I’ve already come out to my sister, my close friends, and my mom within the past two years. It was a life changing decision. My problem is that I don’t want to be gay(when I say gay I mean lesbian). I’ve been meeting up with a couple of gays at my school through my peer counseling program. I don’t think being gay is bad I just think it’s weird. I have been with girls but for some reason now that when I think about it and realize I am gay, I don’t want to be. I’ve seen a lot of the things that are said about gays and I don’t want to be a part of that. I know you can’t choose it, I’ve tried changing it which was just stupid. Sorry I don’t know if you can say that on here…anyways, I just want to be happy with who I am. I just don’t know how. Can someone help me out?
First off, I would like to say how strong I think you are. It can be really hard to write a letter to someone you don’t know about such a sensitive topic. It’s also very difficult to come out of the closet. You’ve done both, and it demonstrates just how much courage you have. Trying to change your sexual orientation wasn’t a stupid thing. It’s scary, knowing you’re “different” from everyone else and I’m sure that a lot of LGBT people try to at one point or another. Just know that there is nothing wrong with you.
Let ne ask you a couple questions to get your mind flowing. What about being a lesbian seems weird to you? Does it seem unnatural? How did being with girls feel? It is perfectly normal to have trouble accepting yourself, especially as a teenager. You mentioned that you’ve talked to other gay kids. Did you tell them aboyt this? Were they able to offer advice? Right now, it will help for you to talk to other teens your age that have gone through the same sort of thing. If you can’t find anyone in real life to talk to, perhaps you could try places like TrevorSpace or www.queerattitude.com to connect with others. While others can help you, peace withyour identity must come from within you. Every day, try finding one new thing you like about yourself. If you’re happy with other parts of yourself, it will be easier to be happy witb your sexual orientation.
I hope you find this helpful. Remember, you’re never alone, even when it may seem like it. Feel free to write back to AskTrevor or use TrevorChat, or even call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 if you need more guidance.