am bisexual
Question:
hi trevor ,
my name is july an am bisexual (this is the first time a say this ) it has taken me so long to come around but i did , you know i think i have always known and this has cost a lot of tears and self harm (such as breaking my own hand , cutting my veins and so much more) and until now i thought i was sick or something was wrong with me just now i know that love for me has no gender but i have a big problem . am scared of what my family will say part of the reason i thought was wrong is that my hole family are homophobic my dad calls theme fags and so if i ever told them such thing they would say am crazy my brother , sister and grandmother are the same way (they will all hate me ) no one will be there and am also scared to tell my friends becuse am i don’t want them to se me any different but am also tired of keeping it all in am turning 17 next week and i think it’s time i have had it i don’t want to cry no more i want to be the way i am please help me
Answer:
Hi July.
First, I want to thank you for writing. I can tell by your letter that coming to terms with your sexuality has not been easy. You have faced a lot of hurdles – many of them very frightening – and yet you have not backed down. You have continued to ask yourself questions, and you have worked hard to discover the truth about yourself. I hope you realize how amazing that is. I hope you realize what strength and bravery it takes to write the words “my name is July and i am bisexual” for the first time, especially when the world around you seems so dark and angry. You are truly awesome.
July, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You were born the way you were born and you are attracted to who you are attracted to. As you so beautifully put it, “i know that love for me has no gender.” You clearly do not have a problem. It’s the people around you who have the problem. Their ignorance and fear has caused them to have opinions about things (and people) they know nothing about. Unfortunately, there is very little you can do about them. They are going to think what they think and hate what they hate. Maybe with time they will change, but, for right now, you need to take care of yourself.
You say that you want to come out, but you also say that you are scared of how your family and friends will react. July, as strongly as you may want to come out right now, it is very important that you only do so if you have a back up plan. If your family takes the news badly (and you seem to strongly think they will) it sounds like there is a chance they might kick you out of the house. If so, do you have somewhere safe you can go? A friend? Or an aunt or uncle? I understand very much your desire to be yourself and stop hiding, but the really important thing right now is that you have a roof over your head so that you can continue to go to school and prepare for your life as an adult. Are you going to college? Might you be able to wait just a little longer until you are out of the house and in a new place where you can make new friends and be who you want to be? Or, if you’re not going to college, can you wait until you graduate from high school? Maybe then you can move to a new city where you can build your own life with your own rules? I know this may seem hard. I know that graduation may seem impossibly far away but, again, the most important thing is your safety. And if that means staying quiet awhile longer, I think you should consider it. Then, when you are independent, when you are not relying on your family for a roof over your head or food on the table, you can tell them, and how they react will not matter because they will have no control over your life.
Still, you want to tell someone now. You want to be yourself. That makes complete sense. If there is truly no one you can talk to in your home or at school, don’t forget that there are lots of places on the internet that can help. Here are just a few of the sites that deal with lots of people in the same position as you:
http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf
http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336
http://www.hrc.org/issues/coming-out
There’s also TrevorSpace, a safe and social networking site run by the Trevor Project where you can meet other people who have gone through the same thing as you:
And last, but certainly not least, if you EVER need to just talk with someone you can always call the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386. You can call that number ANY time, day or night, and someone will be there to listen.
We’re here for you, July, and we’re in your corner!
Trevor Staff