Am I actually bi-sexual?

Published Letter #1440 - Posted in , and tagged as .

Question:

Dear Trevor,

My name is Mariah, and I’m extremely confused about my sexual orientation.  Usually I just consider myself Bi-sexual, but I’m not sure if that’s actually what I am or not.  I’ve had a couple of girlfriends before, but I’ve only ever had a sexual attraction to one of them.  And I only find the girls who are considered “butch” to be attractive.

I’m not sure if I can actually consider myself bi-sexual since I’m only attracted to girls who look like boys.

What should I do?  Am I actually bi-sexual?

Letter submitted by: Mariah

Answer:

Dear Mariah - 

Thanks for your email.  We’re glad you’ve taken the time to write to us.  It sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of new feelings and trying to make sense of them all – which is very common and entirely normal.  Having a mixture of feelings is natural, and defining them is sometimes more difficult than one would think.  So this is a great time to start thinking about what you want.

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.  You mention feeling attracted to ‘butch’ females, but you didn’t mention whether you felt attracted to males as well.   It can be scary to try and choose a category for yourself, so take your time.  And know that you don’t ever have to choose one label or another if you don’t want to.  These terms exist only to help us understand ourselves and connect with others.  And since there are many variations of sexuality, you may or may not find that one label suits you more than another.  It’s all ok.  Whomever you choose to love in a romantic way will be lucky – and you will be lucky to experience that fantastic feeling.  You can also find more information on bisexuality at http://www.bisexual.org if you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG”.

You may want to find a trusted friend or adult to discuss some of this with.   But please stay in touch with us, too!  You can always reach us by phone on The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, and online via TrevorChat and TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.

We’re always here for you!

Sincerely -

Trevor