Am I transgender? am I gay? should I come out?

Question:

I’m really not sure where to start.. I was born female, but in my mind and my heart I feel like there was a mistake. I believe I should have been born male. But I am also only attracted to guys, gay guys to be specific. I have tried to tell someone. I do not think my family will be supportive. I decided to tell my best friend. She insisted I was just joking and blew it off. I met a friend online recently who is also in my situation. We get along great. We help each other through the bad times. I just need to know; am I transgender? am I gay? should I come out?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Trevor Staff

Thank you for reaching out to us at AskTrevor. Reading your letter, I can feel your frustration and confusion in how to identify yourself as male/female/gay/straight/?. That can be so troublesome and can cause a lot of grief. Being able to feel comfortable in your own skin is something I believe we all have struggled with at one point or another in our lives. Yours is your struggle and can make you feel quite alone. But, rest assured, you are not alone.

Being born female but feeling like it was a “mistake” can be so confusing. I know it weighs heavy on your heart. Then, on top of it feeling like you have to “choose” one or the other brings a new frustration regarding who are you “supposed to” be attracted to. With all the stigmas attached to that decision adds more weight to your heart. Those that feel like they were put in the wrong body and then realizing some of your attractions makes it all jumbled in your mind. “Am I really supposed to be a guy or am I just a tomboy?” “Am I gay?” These are questions whose answers will be revealed in time. I shared the same questions at one point in my own life. Until those answers come I would advocate seeking support from a few different organizations; including Trevor. For one, There is something that you can refer to that may give you insight to some of your questions;
On http://www.transyouth.com/transgender.pdf, you’ll find the brochure, “I Think I Might Be Transgender…Now What Do I Do?” Also, you may choose to seek out support thru your school if they have a GSA{{Gay-Straight Alliance}} to find those that support LGBT & staraight lifestyles so they may exist in harmony. Also, I would advocate also checking this site out;
“PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out. And, one more would be to go to TrevorSpace.It is a safe social network for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24. You may find there are others struggling with the same questions.

Please do remember that if you feel the need to actually speak to someone do not hesitate to contact Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR. I am so proud of you for reaching out for help in your time of need. Remember, we at Trevor are always here for you. You are never alone in your struggles! Keep reaching out and asking questions. Access any information sites you can to educate yourself about sexuality questions or any questions you may have about coming out. Knowledge is your biggest advantage on becoming comfortable in your own skin & ultimately finding that inner peace you seek about yourself. It has been an honor to read and respond to your letter. Thank you!

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