Dear Ask Trevor,
I recently read an article on the Huffington Post by Cathrine Oliver. It has helped me explore my gender more. For a while I have seen myself as gender-queer but the only female part of me was my body. I have very recently started to live my life as Lance to a few friends. I would like to be seen as a male. Really, for some time, I have wanted to be seen as a male, yet I don’t want to change my sex. Hide it, yes, but I love my lady parts and I know if I got T and all that jazz I might find out that I don’t want to physically be a man.
Can I identify as a transman even though I have no desire to change my sex? Also, do you have any tips for passing? I have had some recent experiences where I have been mistaken for a boy and really, I loved it. I told them that it’s okay, I don’t really care what sex they see me as, but being called sir felt great. I want to be called sir more often (or at least before I open my mouth, I tend to have a high voice) To restate my questions once again, can I be a transman even though I have no need to change my body, only disguise it and how can I pass more ? Thank you for all your help.
Submitted by: Lance
Thank you so much for writing to Dear Trevor! Gender is awfully complex, as the great article you referenced talks about. It can be very tough to find out exactly where you fall in the gender spectrum, and there can be a lot of pressure to fit neatly into a specific identity. That can be hard to deal with. At the end of the day, however, what matters is how you feel.
In your letter you ask “can you be a transman even though I have no need to change my body?” Only you can decide that! We as a society are very focused on labels. It’s up to you to decide what identity is YOU. Some find that a certain label fits exactly who they are. Some find that no label truly defines them. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with either of these options.
In terms of passing, there are some awesome folks on YouTube who talk about their journey identifying as trans. They could be a great resource both for support and possibly for ideas for living trans. A few of those can be found here and here. You can also find other by searching YouTube.
Thank you again for writing in. Remember, the Trevor Project has got your back 100%. Please call us, on The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, chat with us via TrevorChat or create an account on TrevorSpace.
-The Trevor Project