Coming out

Question:

I want to come out to my family and friends but I’m scared that they won’t accept me and won’t like me anymore, especially since I live in a very catholic community and most of my friends and family are hardcore Catholics and think that being gay, bi, lesbian, and transgender disgusting and wrong. I just don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading and responding

Answer:

Dear Rileyizzy,

Thank you for writing us at Ask Trevor. It takes a lot of courage to come forward with this personal information so thank you. You are not alone. It is very brave of you to want to come out to your family and friends. It may take some time, but with some help they can accept it and love you for exactly who you are. The Trevor Project will always be here to love and support you!

Before you make the decision to tell your family, please ask yourself a few important questions. Is there a risk that you may be abused physically or emotionally? Is there a risk that they will kick you out of the house? If there is any risk there, the best advice is to please make sure you have a back up plan. A safe place for you to go where you can be taken care of financially, just in case. For this reason, some people wait until they are independent and living on their own before they decide to come out to their family.

There are plenty of resources to help you decide if you are ready to come out or not. You might find it helpful to write out and rehearse things you might say. You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at
http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you’ll find an article called “Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About” which may be of help to you.

PFLAG– Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, is a great organization that is made up of mostly parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation or gender identity. On PFLAG’s website at: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2 click on “Get Support” then click “For Family & Friends,” there you’ll find the pamphlets “Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People” and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members or friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of your sexuality. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one’s sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they’re having with people in their life.

This is a big step in your life and we understand that it is not easy. Take time with it, there is no rush. The fear of rejection can be overwhelming. But, we can promise you that it always gets better! Also, please remember that the Trevor Lifeline is always available 24 hours a day. You can reach us at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. Also, feel free to write Ask Trever any time and sign up with TrevorSpace! www.trevorspace.org is a great place to talk to other young guys and girls that are going through the same thing as you.

Take Care,

The Trevor Staff