Coming out in college

Published Letter #1612 - Posted in , .

Question:

I’m a current freshman in college, and ever since I can remember I have struggled with my sexuality. I have always liked both girls and boys, but I’ve tried to suppress my feelings for girls whenever they’ve arised. Here at college, I’ve only told two people, and they were very surprised and not expecting it at all. That’s why I’m worried to come out here; I know it’s a new time and while it seems like it might be a good place to tell people about my sexuality, I’m not even 100% sure, and I don’t want people judging me on something I’m not fully sure of. What should I do? I don’t like having to hide talking about girls and everything, but at the same time I don’t know if I can tell people.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Katrina,

First, telling those two people took a lot of courage and you should be proud of that. You say you are struggling with your sexuality. It is very natural to question your sexuality, and because it’s an important and complicated question, it’s natural for you not to know the answer right away. The website bisexual.org may have resources that help you discover more about your sexuality. They list this guide “Bisexuality 101″ which you may find useful:  http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf  

Feeling more comfortable with knowing who you are can help you feel more comfortable telling others.

You say you’ve told two people and that they were surprised and not expecting it at all. After you told them, how did you feel? Did it help you to let them know, even if it made you nervous to tell them? Would it help to tell a couple more people? Is there an LGBTQ organization on your campus, or a Gay/Straight Alliance? Perhaps one in the community your college is in? It may feel easier to be open about your sexuality with other people who have felt the same nervousness. While it’s very natural to want to be open to everyone, starting with a few people may help you feel more comfortable with telling more.

You may also want to check out another Trevor resource, TrevorSpace at trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality and revealing that to others.

The most important thing, though, is not how others judge you, but how you judge yourself. You are taking many steps in discovering yourself and becoming who you are, which is not only very important but also very courageous. If you are in the US, you can call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, and remember that no matter where you are, TrevorSpace is also available and you can always write Ask Trevor.

Trevor Staff