Coming out/ insecurity

Question:

Hello, I’m a sixteen year old lesbian I’ve known since I was twelve that I was gay but the only person that knows is my older sister, and I really want to come out to my family but don’t know how I think It would kill my mom if she found out I’m really scared but I feel this is something I have to get off my chest please help, also I have bad insecurity that I’m never gonna find a woman to love me I think it’s because all I ever see is straight girls out here in arizona but I really wanna find someone special.Thanks.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hey You!

Thanks so much for taking the time to write the Trevor Project!  I’m more than happy to help you out. Never hesitate to send any questions or concerns that you are going through.  You are not alone in what you are going through.

Coming out can be worrisome.  Why?  Because of the unknown.  How are certain friends, family or peers react to finding out about your sexuality?   First of all, it is awesome that you have shared it with your older sister.  You always have her to rely on.  You always have her to talk to get the support for who you are as a person.  She loves you no matter what.  In your case, I would have to say that your older sister can probably give you the best advice on if you should come out to your family yet or not.  You both can talk about how you think your family would react and then do what you both think is best.  The most important thing is that you have someone to rely on (friends, older sister, etc.) who will accept you for who you are, no matter how your mom/family reacts.  You need to remember that there is nothing wrong with you, even if some react negatively.  It’s hard for others sometimes to understand how it feels to be gay unless they have experienced it (which most will never).

I have found that the best way to help people understand your sexuality is just to be as real and genuine as you can be, sharing all of your thoughts along your life journey.  When you come out, talk to them about how tough this is for you to do.  People will respect your honesty and your toughness in having the courage to come out.  Coming out isn’t easy but afterwards you feel so much better.  Like you mentioned, it’s like getting something off of your chest.  You’re free.  You can finally be you.  With no shame.  You will know when the moment is right.  You have all of the courage within you that you need.  And you always have your sister who loves you exactly how you are.

And as far as you having insecurity about not finding a woman to love you, YOU ARE SO YOUNG!  It may seem like you should have someone now, but let me tell you from experience, you have so much time ahead of you. Please don’t even worry about that at all.  Stay true to who you are and ready yourself for that day when you meet the person who becomes that special somebody.  You can use each day up until that moment to improve who you are, and make sure that you are the very best you for that beautiful girl that you are going to meet someday.  There are tons of ways to meet other lesbians though!  You can even check out TrevorChat!  It’s a bully-free LGBTQ social network!  Believe in yourself.  Stay true to who you are.  And don’t blink!  That girl will come walking into your life when you least expect it!  Just look forward to that day.

Come out when you feel ready.  You don’t want to feel as though you are hiding who you are from the world.  Coming out feels exactly like freedom.  Take my word for it.  The weight that you put on your shoulders is released and people see you finally who you really are.  If they don’t accept you, it’s their loss.  Let me just tell you that even though I don’t personally know you, I am already so excited for you to feel the freedom of coming out, and to meet that girl that you see in your dreams.  Live you!

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is You-er than You.”

-Dr. Seuss

Your friends,

Trevor Staff