Sorry for the length of this. So I’ve recently realized that I’m bisexual. I’ve only came out to a few friends, (these ones have been supportive). So this other group of friends who I sit with at lunch are VERY CONSERVATIVE and Republican. They’ve made it VERY CLEAR they don’t like LGBTQ, Hispanics, Blacks, and other people. I’m more of a Democrat; I love people for who they are, and don’t judge their appearence or sexual orientation. Before I discovered I was bi, these girls would always say rude and prejudice comments about the people they don’t like. I’ve told them, (more than once) I don’t like it and I’ve asked them to please stop. My parents don’t know I’m bi (my mom works in a public school and “is ok with it” but she still makes jokes about LGBTQ, and my dad makes jokes about them and doesn’t like them). I did tell my mom what’s been happening at lunch; she says don’t sit with those girls. I haven’t sat with them for two weeks, and now I’m getting messages asking where I’ve been and why I’m not there. I don’t want to come out because they bash LGBTQ, but I’ve told them my feelings on their rude comments. What should I do? Thanks!!!
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Thank you for reaching out to us here at askTrevor.
There is never a clear or defining moment as to when it is right for a person to come out about their sexuality to their family and friends, but when the time is right to do so, you will know this, as you have experienced with those few friends you have already confided in.
There is still a lot of people out there who dislike certain people because of their race or sexual preferences, and some of that may be due in part to the way they are brought up within their families. It is hard to say why these friends continue to make rude comments about other people, but if they want to continue doing so even after you ask them to stop, then maybe it is best to not socialize with them in the group setting.
I would suggest trying to talk to them on an individual basis and see if you can find out why it is that they talk this way, is it to fit it? If you can get them to talk with you individually, it might help you understand them, and you can explain to them why you don’t like hearing that kind of talk. This can be done without outting yourself to them, that is until you are ready to do so.
There is a lot of great information from other people who are bi at the biresource center, of which some have experienced some of the same issues as you. You can find their website at http://www.biresource.net.
Thank you for reaching out to us. We are always here to suppot you in a variety of methods. You can contact us at TrevorChat (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat) from 1:00 PM – 7:00 PM Pacific Time on Friday, Saturday, Monday and Tuesday, you can call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 anytime, day or night, or you can always write us again.