Dad

Question:

I came out in 2011. I was scared to tell my dad about me being gay. Well I never told him for years I know what I was, but was also scared. Until I dated someone and they helped me come out. In 2012 I came out to my dad and family. My family are okay with it and don’t judge me. But my dad has turned me away I have been kicked out many times do to me being gay. Now my dad treats me different, and always threatens he is going to kick me out, and put me on the streets. Sometimes I like i was mistake to my dad, and yes some times I wish I was dead, so then maybe my dad won’t have to deal with anything and i wont have to be shut out of his life. I don’t know what to do. I can’t be myself around him and I want to be myself, but every time I do he yells at me and says get out of my house if that’s how you’re going to live your life. Help I don’t know what to do.

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Answer:

Thank you for reaching out.  I know it’s hard to cope when a close family member isn’t completely accepting of who you are, and sometimes that can make a person feel like they’re not valued.

Please know that you are valued, and there is treatment if you are having suicidal thoughts.  If you feel this way, it’s important to talk to someone you trust, such as a parent, school counselor, or doctor.  If you are worried about speaking to anyone you know about how you’re feeling, you can always call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor.  We are here 24 hours a day, and 7 days a week.

Sometimes it takes a while for a parent to come to understand their sons and daughters.  A lot of people don’t understand what it’s like to be different than them, and it can lead to a lot of confusion and frustration.    One of the best ways to help a parent understand you better is to put emphasis on your similarities instead of your differences.  What do you have in common that can help strengthen your bond?  Friends are made when two people have a common bond with one another, and when that bond is strong enough they begin to accept the differences on their own terms.

If you feel like the situation is getting worse, talk to friends and family to find a safe place to stay in case you don’t have a place to go.  It’s important to have a backup plan if you feel like you are about to be kicked out.

Remember that The Trevor Project is always here for you to help answer your questions.  You can reach out here at Ask Trevor as well as call us if you have more concerns.  You can also visit TrevorSpace and meet people who may be going through something similar.

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff