guess its never happening

Question:

dear trevor, i just feel like i need somone to talk .someone who truly cares about what im going trough .im not sure who i really am yet. i mean i think i got an idea but that would mean, that a lot of people would be so out of my life after i tell them. i kinda feel like im so open to all of this and i think all the people around me including my family isnt so its really hard talking at all..i just close my self to anything, act so bad to my family. they just make comments about sexuality. and the thing is they dont even know theyre saying them to me. thats what makes me feel like im never being myself around them. i just want to get out of here fast.for good…i dont want to put labels on myself .i just want to be with someone guy or girl.and that they dont care about it.!!!guess its never happening.! thanks for ur time.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Friend,

It’s okay not to know who you are. It is something that can take a while to figure out, as you learn more about yourself. You’ve taken a great first step in knowing that you want to know, that you want to find out who you are. Some people know right away what their sexuality is, other people take longer to figure it out. Different people learn at different times, and don’t feel like you have to rush it. Go naturally, think about how you feel about being with a guy or being with a woman. Sometimes thinking about who you have a crush on, or who you fantasize about having a romantic relationship with or being physical with can help you figure out who you are.

It also is especially hard trying to discover yourself when you feel your family won’t be supportive of who you are. You love your family, and you want them to love who you are entirely. Do you feel comfortable talking with someone else, perhaps a good friend, or a teacher or counselor at school? It can help to have someone to talk with, to help you work out things and discover ways you can let your family know about who you are that are safe and comfortable. Do you know about TrevorSpace, the safe online social networking sites for LGBTQ youth, at www.trevorspace.org? Finding someone you feel comfortable talking with can really help. It can feel like there’s nobody you can be open with, but there is.

Remember, sometimes things take time. And sometimes something so big and important can feel like it’s impossible. Instead of trying to do everything at once, try something small. Think of one little thing you can do, one immediate thing. Something small and much easier, do that and then build on it. It can turn something impossible into something possible. You are an amazing and strong person.

Trevor Staff