Well, am not quite sure where to start.. and how to express myself. But I must give it a try. Am not an american citizen… am actually a mexican college student. Am studying psychology and I choose my career because I believe in change. But now I’ve externed my doubts about my sexual orientation… and now I think am probably gay. Am doubting also my personality, and who am I because my ideas are in a battle. I dated someone to clarify my sexual orientation, a men. I date about 3 months or so. He left me because while we where dating I told my parents about what I was doing with my life, (as I usually do as a responsible son). So, he told me to go and arrange my family. My parents obviously freaked out, and they told me that they won’t accpet me, that If I want to be gay and do “gay stuff” I must left my house (BTW leaving my house implies to leave my house without a dime and withou my belongings). In certain point I must obey as a son, and am stilling hearing their advice. But doing that means that I must not have any reactions to their screaming or their hurtfull words. Which take me to a physycal fight with my dad and to a forced therapy, with someone I don’t like. Am tired of trying to do somenthing and being wrong in my decision. Also, being involve in the situation and not having any voice or vote in it. Am also sad because I feel I don’t have a home I can go to. AM 21 I must be indepent… but they won’t let me. And now my limitiations have being bigger, beacuse they’re scared of me spending money in gay bars. I gave my word I won’t do that. But still, I want my family to be part of my future. But not in a hurtfull way… Am working, but my money is not enough for me to “survive” and finish my career… (I don’t have scholarship, nor the money for the books, nor the money for services). And I don’t feel like trying a new therapy because my parents won’t agree with the pyschiatrist. Some advice or guidance please. Am turning into someone i don’t like. I want to know if this could be only a confusion or if it is possible to change from gay to straight and otherwise. BTW I am catholic and my religous views also takes me away from my religous activities and takes me away from my sexual orientation guidance. And all this issues have led me to daily emotional changes and to the idea of leaving my home. BUT am totally scared of doing somenthing that might have negative reactions or that might lead to being hurt even more. My friends don’t have the time nor the sensitive side to hear me out. So … what should I take care of..
Letter submitted by:
I would like to commend you for taking the brave step of contacting us. I can tell you are very frustrated with your attempt at talking with your parents. It is not an easy thing to do. Some of the problems could be that your parents are just as confused as you are and have questions of their own. I would like to suggest you see if there is a chapter of PFLAG in the area where you are. If you cannot locate one, they, like us, have a web site and have many resources for parents and other family members.
Perhaps if you make a list of the closest and most trusted friends you have and narrow that list down to the person or persons you would feel most comfortable talking to regarding your questioning of who and what you are would help. Number one priority is you and your feeling good about yourself. You mentioned your folks wanted you to go to therapy. This can be good for your own being but please seek out a therapist who is known for helping individuals questioning their sexuality. Religion can also create many barriers and issues that you should not have to deal with. Search to see if there are organizations that are religious but are not judgmental. PFLAG may be able to help in locating one of these groups. Actually many of PFLAGs meetings are held at churches. You may also want to try this website: http://www.welcomingresources.org/
Another concern you mentioned was having no money for school. Again, without sounding cliche there are numerous web sites devoted to obtaining scholarships for education. Many of these organizations do not require re-payment until you are graduated and employed. It is my hope that I have been able to ease some of your frustrations and concerns.
The Trevor Project