Home is supposed to be a place where you can be yourself and be accepted for it, but I don’t feel like that at home.

Question:

Hi Trevor. I am biologically a female but feel like neither a boy or girl. I recently came out to my mom as genderqueer. She didn’t really react how I wanted her to. She told me that I am a girl, and that when you graduate high school, it doesn’t matter who you like, and it doesn’t matter whether you feel like a boy or a girl. My name is not actually Logan. It’s Madison. My friends know I’m GQ and call me Logan because I think it fits me better.

It hurts because I want to be who I am. I want to get my hair cut like a guy, but my mom only let me get it shoulder length. She won’t let me get guy’s clothes under any circumstance because she thinks my clothes are all really boyish anyways. But it’s just not what I want. I’ve also recently been thinking that I might actually be FTM transgender, and I wish I waited to come out.

I want to bind, get my haircut, wear what I want, and be who I am, but it feels like my mom is in the way. Home is supposed to be a place where you can be yourself and be accepted for it, but I don’t feel like that at home. I don’t know how to handle it.

Logan

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Answer:

Dear Logan,

Thanks a lot for being so brave and contacting us. Questioning your gender identity or sexual orientation is perfectly natural and there is nothing “wrong” with you. It sounds that you feel more comfortable with a male appearance and you should go for it but you don´t need to know right off the bat if you are or not a transgender, there is not rush into anything, take your time in figuring out who you are. You should gather more info about it visiting this website “Transgender Basics” (www.gaycenter.org/community/multimedia/transgenderbasics}, a film produced by the New York City LGBT Community Center’s Gender Identity Project.

I am glad and calm because you are able to listen and respect yourself . I can see in your words that you are brave and conscious enough to follow and understand your wishes. You are the most important thing here!

The fact your friends support you is very important and helpful, it looks like your mother´s reaction is not what you were expecting. Probably she is very lost with these news and she needs time and info about what it is happening to you. She has to understand that you need the space and time to determine how you wish to live and express your gender identity but obviously it is not being easy for her. Of course it hurts but it doesn´t mean she doesn´t care about you, be patient with her, acceptance takes time. She should contact with PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They provide opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity by giving information and support to parents that don´t know how to cope with a LGBT child.

Also, if you live in NYC, you can visit “The Gender and Family Project (GFP)” at Ackerman Institue. They provide outpatient clinical services to families with gender nonconforming and transgender children and adolescents. http://www.ackerman.org/posts/view/142-the-gender-and-family-project

You can also find people just like you on Trevor Project’s online social networking site called “Trevorspace”, which is at www.trevorspace.org. It is for LGBT people from 13 to 24 years old and it is safe. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your gender identity.

Don’t hesitate to contact us if you have more questions or needs to express yourself.