How do I come out to my parents?

Question:

How do I come out to my parents? They’re anti-gay, and right now the only person I can trust is my cousin .:(

Answer:

Dear hailstorm,

Thank you for your message. I want you to know that it is absolutely normal to feel torn about whether it makes sense to come out to your parents when you do not feel that they will understand or react in a positive way. It sounds like you have taken the brave first step in acknowledging your sexuality to yourself. You have decided the next logical step is to share this with your parents and friends. There is no one right way to do this, and there are no guarantees that your parents or others will react well when you share this very personal information.

Ultimately, the decision of how to come out and when to do it depends on your personal circumstances and I would stress that you must always consider your safety. If you risk putting yourself in danger physicall or emotionally by coming out, now might not be the right time. Whatever you decide, you should make sure you are safe. Make sure you think through a safety plan for worst case scenarios.

You may want to think of indirect ways to bring up the topic of coming out by talking about an LGBT actor on television or in a movie to gauge how your parents might react. If you decide that now isn’t the right time to tell your parents, continue to find strength in your great relationship of trust with your cousin. Maybe confiding in a trusted teacher, school administrator or counselor could be a great way to get advice as you work through your specific circumstances.

Also, there are a number of great resources online that you might find helpful. Check out the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” (http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out). Additionally, there are many articles/FAQs on Advocates for Youth, a website that provides helpful education and suggestions for young people just like you who are asking themselves these same questions (http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=724&Itemid=177).

If you decide to come out to your parents, Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is an organization with many resources to answer their difficult questions (www.pflag.org). I want you to know that even when you feel at your lowest, you are not alone. Millions of people all over the world are in similar situations like you. You’re strong for acknowledging your sexuality when most may spend their lives never coming to terms with it. There are many positive things about being gay, lesbian and bisexual, so be proud of who you are and know that you can always speak to someone live at The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR or at TrevorChat.

Good luck to you.