How Do I Tell Her?

Question:

I met a girl last year and she became my best friend. She got taken out of school and I didn’t see her for about 9 months. Now she’s back and I figured out that I have a massive crush on her (I’m a girl too) . I heard from her sister that she might be suddenly taken out of school again. I want to tell her I like her, but I don’t know if she’s bi (like me), lesbian, or straight. I need her to know before she leaves again, so how should i tell her? Also, nobody knows that I’m bi…not even my parents or friends.

Answer:

Hello,

I’m so glad that you were strong enough to reach out to us, especially since you haven’t come out to your friends or parents. Coming out can be scary, but it can also be rewarding to let people into such an important part of your life! It can also be difficult to have your best friend removed from school and though she’s back, I know it’s equally as scary to have that possibly of happening again. Determining who to tell, how to tell someone, and when to tell someone are all very personal decisions, but nevertheless difficult.

Firstly, it’s most important that you are safe and comfortable when you come out to anyone. Having a strong support system is always important in your life. Only you can decide when the right time is to tell this person or that person. How do you feel about your best friend not knowing this detail about your life? Are you worried that she’ll not accept you as bi? If she is okay with LGBT actors or subjects? One option some people choose is to bring up LGBT issues, characters, or movies to get a feeling about how people close to them feel about a topic before coming out. Being attracted to people you trust and care about is normal, and many people feel deeply connected to the people close to them. Again, it’s a very personal choice to let someone know that you’re attracted to them. When thinking about whether to tell her or not, try to think about responses for if she is also attracted to you or if she feels that your friendship is more important. That way, you are prepared for whatever her answer might be.

I hope this helps you try to sort our ways you might be able to share with you friend about this very important part of your life. If you need any other assistance regarding this issue please feel free to contact the Trevor Hotline (1-866-4-U-Trevor). Also try to connect to other LGBT youth through TrevorSpace, www.trevorspace.org, it’s a great community of support. TrevorChat may be a great place for you to find resources as well. Don’t forget that we are always here for you!

Thank you again for contacting us!

Trevor Staff