Hi. I have a boyfriend and we’ve been going out for 4 months now. He knows I’m bisexual, but I’ve been feeling different now. I’m starting to be attracted to girls and I have a feeling that I’m becoming a lesbian. I want to tell him, but I don’t how. How should I should I tell him that my sexual orientation has changed?
Thank you for reaching out.
Deciding how and when you want to come out or change your sexual orientation can be quite challenging. If you’re involved with someone, knowing or expecting how they will react can be just as big of a barrier. A lot of the pressure can be a result of the attitudes of those around you or how you may feel they will react.
If you do decide you want to come out, it may be easiest in a relaxed atmosphere where you feel you will have a less stressful response. Being around people you know who are close or comfortable with you may also make it an easier situation to absorb and allow you to say what you need or want without holding back. It may also be a easier if you position yourself around people who have LGBT acquaintances. How have they reacted to their other friends “coming out”? Although this may give you a good idea as to how someone may respond, do not use this as your only basis as to what response you may receive.
There is nothing that says those that do well around LGBT people may be more prone to acceptance than someone who is not around this type of environment. Do not use these suggestions as your only deciding factor. You should always use your own judgment as to who you do and do not want to tell. What is important here is that you are safe and comfortable. Are you worried about your personal safety?
If you are curious as to how to meet LGBT people or decide to meet someone new, you can always check your local area for LGBT events. As always, never meet anyone that cannot agree to meet you in a public place when you meet them online or through a dating website. Your judgment knows best when protecting yourself and everyone should careful meeting someone they don’t already know. If you are wanting to come out to friends and family PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) has ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf.
Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project. We’re here whenever you need us.