Dear Trevor, I am a questioning youth looking for guidance. I have a crush on a boy in my class named Tyler. He and I are the best of friends, and he is the first friend I’ve had since 2nd grade. I’ve never had a crush on anyone, and have really never been interested in dating anyone, and have never even been kissed! I’ve never even been interested in girls a whole lot, either. When I was younger I would acknowledge a pretty girl, but would never feel attracted sexually to the girl in question. Yet here I am, my first crush being a boy I’ve known for only 2 years. I’ve told my parents of my infatuation with Tyler, but they’re unsure of my sexual orientation. They, however, are convinced I’m straight, but when I tell myself that I feel like I’m lying. When I tell myself I’m gay, I get frightened. Am I gay, straight, or something else? When I was young, I would dress up as Disney villainesses for Halloween, loved to dance effeminately, always had a knack for women’s clothing and how it looks on people, and even dressed in a too-too for a dare. I felt comfortable in these costumes, and have a love for acting, drama, and the musical arts. I have always been the center of attention, acting dramatically and boisterously, in a way some would consider “queer”. I almost exclusively hung out with female peers with my sister when younger, as I never really fit in with my more masculine, football playing classmates. Does all this make me gay? If I am gay or bi, how can I tell Ty without hurting our close relationship? How can I tell my sexual orientation? Please help me, I am lost without guidance! -Sincerely, Sky the Confused
I am glad you took the time to reach out as it seems you are struggling with a lot of emotions. It’s natural to question you start to mature and explore your sexuality. You show a lot of strength in being honest with yourself about your feelings. Ultimately, only you can decide what your sexual orientation or even gender expression are and those may take a while for you to discover. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction.
Although other people’s opinions impact us, you need to realize you are beautiful as who you are regardless of how you dress or act or love. You are still in the process of discovering who you are and how you feel the most comfortable. Let yourself take the time to come to your own answers rather than letting someone else tell you the “right” way to act or to love.
In the meanwhile, please check out Advocates for Youth (http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336) where you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Gay…Now What Do I Do?” or PFLAG (http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf) where you’ll find the brochure “Be Yourself”
Lastly, check out TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.
The Trevor Project