I am having a really hard time accepting myself, everyone around me has fully accepted me as lesbian, but I am just having a really hard time. I feel out of control of how I have been feeling. This has triggered me to starve myself and feel alone, worthless, and weak. It has gotten really bad, it’s so bad I feel anxious and like throwing up even before I eat. Also I am only eating one meal a day and when I do I feel really guilty. Trevor, how do I get out of this cycle and how do I learn to love and accept myself for who I am?
From your letter you say you are not accepting of yourself even though your friends have come to accept you for who are. You say you feel worthless and weak please understand you are valuable and strong. The fact that you have reached out hear is proof of that. These feelings seem to have caused an undue amount of stress and may have lead to depression. The starving yourself,the anxiety causing nausea eating one meal a day feeling guilty from it. It is very good that you recognize and know that you need to love and accept yourself and that you want to. I am glad you wrote to AskTrevor.
Your friends accept you. You should understand that there is nothing wrong or abnormal about who you are. There is nothing wrong with who are attracted to. You seem to be experiencing anxiety and depression. You need to talk to someone you trust a friend, parent, relative, doctor, or counselor. When you’re depressed, it can be very painful to feel and can make you tired and take away your motivation to do and enjoy things. You will want to sleep and eat much less or more than usual. Depression can make you see everything in your life in a negative way including yourself. When you’re feeling depressed feelings of hopelessness and helplessness can overwhelm you. As challenging as it is to treat depression, it becomes even more so when another complex illness takes hold at the same time. Studies have shown that a strong connection exists between depression and eating disorders. On www.us.reachout.com you’ll find facts about depression by clicking on ‘struggles with feelings.’
Please know there is treatment for depression and eating disorders including medication and/or therapy. It can help to talk with a mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist about what you’re feeling and going through. They can help you break the cycle and see choices you may not be aware that you have. On http://mentalhealth.samsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area. You also can contact the Association of Gay Lesbian Psychiatrists by calling 215-222-2800 or by visiting their website at www.aglp.org for help in finding someone in your area for you to talk and work with. You are a beautiful original, you are definitely not a disaster and you can and should feel better about yourself. You are never alone we are here for you. You can call Trevor Lifeline 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor about what you are feeling and experiencing. There is TrevorSpace for support. TrevorSpace is a networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions and feelings. You can always write back to AskTrevor. Love who you are because you are special. Always here for you.