Hey Trevor, OK so I don’t really know what to do. I am pretty sure I’m bi and absolutely love myself for being me though I don’t know if I can tell my parents because I’m not that close with them and even though they have no problems with gays/bisexuals I just feel I would be really awkward. Also for no apparent reason a rumour went around school last year saying I was gay when I myself hadn’t even began to question my sexuality and for that I got taunted an awful lot. I have loads of friends in another school who are really relaxed and don’t care but I just feel that I couldn’t take it if people from my school were mean to me. Also my friend is gay and his parents are really horrible to him and tell him he isn’t gay because they are really Christian. I want to help him because he is actually really sad and I think he self harms. His sister is also bi but she hasn’t told her parents because of the way they treated her brother. Can you call Trevor from outside the US? Sorry for the mountain of questions.
P.S I’m from Britain but it wouldn’t let me use that
Thank you for contacting The Trevor Project! Your first statement that you ‘absolutely love yourself for being you’ says a lot about self awareness, and it is to be applauded. Your desire to let your parents know about your sexuality is very normal, as it is your way of sharing the entirety of yourself with the people that you love. It could be a great way to become close to them, when you are comfortable and feel safe about letting them know. It’s a shame that you have experienced negativity in your school, it can be very tiring to have to hide yourself from your peers. It’s quite possible that very many of them are experiencing similar feelings. That may be the case with your friend, whom you say may be harming himself in relation to his coming out to his paents. You are truly a good friend in that you want to help him and are worried about him.
We all want the people around us, especially people that we are close to, to accept us no matter what. For as many people that there are in the world, there are at least that many differences. You are not alone in feeling awkward discussing these things with your parents and friends. Both you and your friend are dealing with similar issues under different circumstances, and your support of each other is extremely important and can form a lifelong bond.
I have looked into resources in the UK, and have found several that should offer you support over there ‘across the pond’. LLGS.org.uk has a helpline where you will speak with someone directly, at 0300 330 0630. They operate the phone line from 10am until 11pm everyday, and their website also offers instant messaging with them, as well as email support and a database of important information. You may also try gayyouth.org.uk, their database has a list of switchboards and youth groups divided by region. It’s a great way to ‘discover’ people in your area who are dealing with the same issues as you and your friend, and they also have relevant stories and news. I encourage you to share these with your friend, together the two of you can discover the wonderful support that is offered locally and travel your roads together. You really are a good friend, and he will appreciate your support.
If there is a trusted teacher or counsellor in your school, or perhaps another family member that you feel comfortable discussing these things with, I encourage you to do so. It’s very possible that they will help you to gain different insights on your situation, and a fresh perspective. You may have feelings that you are alone in this, but you aren’t. Give them the opportunity to surprise you!
Please keep in touch with us at TheTrevorProject.org, and also take advantage of TrevorSpace and TrevorChat, where you will find people very similar to yourself, dealing with the same issues, and perhaps offering solutions that would work for you. You have more friends than you can imagine, just waiting to meet you and support you.