i am very scared

Published Letter #1933 - Posted in .

Question:

I am bisexual and and have been since about a year ago. i am very scared to come out because i dont know what to say, what people will think of me, if my friends will still like me or if i should even come out at all. i just dont know what to do. i am so scared of what people will think of me i havent told anyone or anything.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Congratulations on writing in and telling me that you’re bisexual.  Even though we’ve never met in person, reaching out for support and acknowledging who you are is a great first step!  It’s normal to be scared when you’re keeping a big secret from those around you and when you’re unsure how people would react to learning that you’re bisexual.

Coming out can be a very freeing process, but deciding when and how to come out is a very personal decision.  There’s no pressure for you to make those decisions until you’re ready, but there are a lot of resources available to help you with your decisions (such as the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out).  Right now, the first step for you is to consider if the benefits of telling someone will outweigh keeping your sexual orientation a secret.  Does the fear of not knowing how people will react interfere with your daily life?   Could you use some support and advice?  Are you interested in dating?  On the other hand, could telling someone jeopardize your safety and financial support?  If you decide to tell someone, you might start by finding one person that you trust, preferably someone that is supportive and familiar with LGBTQ issues.  It could be a school counselor, a friend or a family member.  I also would encourage you to join TrevorSpace, (www.trevorspace.org), the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies.  There you can safely come out to other people and find out how they came out to friends and family. 

Navigating the coming out gets a lot easier with experience.  It might take a little time, but you’ll find that there are many people and communities that will accept and welcome you for who you are.  A great place for you to find anonymous support anytime is The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386).

The Trevor Project