I believe that love is love, no matter who you find it with

Question:

Dear Trevor,
About a year and a half ago, I had a serious relationship with a boy, however whenever he kissed me, it didn’t feel right. We broke up last year, and recently I’ve become very close friends with a girl who considers herself to be pansexual. She told me she felt attracted to me, and up until then I had assumed I was straight. But after she told me she liked me, she kissed me, and it felt so much different than when my previous boyfriend had kissed me, so much better. Since that day, we’ve kissed many times, and every time has felt right. I know I am extremely attracted to her, and if I’m completely honest, I’m not sure if I’d want to be with a guy in the way I am with her, but at the same time, I still think I find guys attractive. I don’t know what to call myself (bi, lesbian, pansexual), of even if I need to call myself anything. I believe that love is love, no matter who you find it with. I guess I’d just like some guidence?
~N

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Answer:

Hi N,

I’m so glad that you came to us about trying to figure out your sexuality. Your feelings are very common among people of all ages. I like how you said that love is love no matter who you find it with, we couldn’t agree more with you! You should feel proud to be so absolutely ahead of much of the country in your thinking. However, your feelings about your sexuality are just part of growing and learning about yourself, something all humans go through.

I think that sometimes we all get caught up with labels: gay, straight, bi, pan, omni, etc, without realizing that really, everything could change with one person. When you try to understand your sexuality remember that sexual orientation involves romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people. Just like your situation, it could be that you’re attracted to just this girlfriend, just girls, guys and girls, or open to anyone, as your friend is. My suggestion is to just let yourself love boldly and keep your heart open until you are truly comfortable with some type of label, though you don’t have to be anything.

N, if you ever need someone to listen, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week. Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality. Also, if you have a trusted adult, a close relative, a teacher or a school counselor, talking can help you clarify your thoughts while supplying some support. We are always here for you.

I hope this information was helpful for you N, and you deserve all the love you can handle, no matter who you find it with!

Sincerely,

The Trevor Project