Well, I’m 13 soon 14 and I have friends, but recently I tried to do the butterfly project but stopped because I used self harm, I have this friend who knows I like a guy and she back stabbed me and is constantly flirting with him. Her flirting began to anger me the day that my crush rejected me was when her florin was worse or more intense. So that day I used self harm and have been thinking about doing it again because I can’t tell my parents or my sisters because I don’t want them to know what goes on with me. This guy is one of the nicest guys ever but he sat down nicely and totally rejected me, and it hurt more than the time I would use self harm after I was sexted by my friend and we had a flirty relationship as friends, then he acted like a jerk so I told my other friend what he did ad she told everyone. When that happened that was the day it all began… But ever since my crush rejected me, I just feel so alone and writing poetry does nothing to help me at all. What should I do?
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Thank you for reaching out to us here at The Trevor Project. I understand the loneliness you are experiencing. Being rejected can be especially painful without having to add to it the hurt and confusion of being betrayed by friends.
Out of concern for your safety and well-being I want to comment about your self-harm. People cut as a way to deal with emotional pain from being hurt and often as a way to take out anger on someone in their life. With how people have been treating you and how alone you feel this is what you may be experiencing. It is important to know that continuing to self harm can be dangerous. There may be permanent scarring that you could feel embarrassment about others seeing. There could be infection, and you could put your life at risk. If you are feeling sad, do something that makes you feel taken care of, comforted, such as listening to your favorite music or talking with someone you trust. Your work on the butterfly project is a great attempt to stop the self-harm. Two other websites that may help you learn more about self harm and how to deal with the urge are http://www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm. These things may not feel as powerful as self-harm in dealing with your pain, but over time you can learn other ways of coping that will feel effective in helping you. You have to practice these other ways and give them a chance to work. You mention not wanting to go to your parents or sisters to talk––do you have anyone to talk to? Is there a relative, teacher, doctor, or school counselor you are comfortable with and trust? Talking with someone who you trust to listen and be kind is important. We are here for you if you feel like speaking to someone directly, please find a phone and call us at the Trevor Lifeline: 866-488-7386.
I hope this helps. You are already doing something positive in showing care for yourself by reaching out to us. If you have any other question that you think we can help with, feel free to contact us again at Ask Trevor. You are not alone!