Hi, I used to fit in. But now I don’t. I have few friends and I don’t like the way they treat me. I’ve tried to ask them to stop, they don’t. I don’t get bullied, I’m just lonely. I had a girlfriend, but she cheated. Now I don’t trust anyone. I’m skitsofrantic at times and it only adds to my loneliness. I have a problem with trust, I think you can understand why. I want help, but whenever I try to get help, It doesn’t work. I’ve tried for 4 years. I’m just done with it all. I used to take 13 aspirin every night, but it only made the pain worse. I don’t do that any more. I need help, I just don’t want to ask.
It is very brave of you to reach out and share your story. Being proactive is not always easy and proves that you are strong. It must be frustrating to not fit in with your friends or dislike how they treat you. Loneliness can be particularly hard to cope and it makes sense that being schizophrenic at times makes it worse.
Thinking about suicide and having things you might use is a very serious thing. If you are thinking of suicide, please, please consider calling our 24/7 Lifeline at 866-488-7386. Also, please consider reaching out to someone you trust, to share these feelings with, preferably an adult like a teacher, family member (assuming it is safe), neighbor, or school counselor. You said you were ready for help and you deserve it.
You have been through a lot and are struggled with mental health can be really challenging. Maybe it would be a good idea to get professional help. It could be helpful to find a mental health professional that would understand: http://www.glbtnearme.org/ .
If you’re looking to talk to other young people about coming to terms with your identity or others going through similar issues, you can check out TrevorSpace, our social network for LGBTQ youth and allies. It can be a great way to make friends and find support from all around the world. The address for TrevorSpace ishttp://www.trevorspace.org . TrevorSpace also has a discussion forum called Q&Q (Queer and Questioning) where you can post questions and discuss what you’re going through with thousands of other LGBTQ young people onhttp://www.trevorspace.org/topics.cfm?src=1 .
It is good to hear that you have stopped taking the 13 aspirin at night. Please reach out for help if you feel like doing this again. Also, please consider going to an emergency room if you are thinking of suicide or at least giving our 24/7 Lifeline a call. You have clearly been through a lot and deserve additional support. Although it may feel like it sometimes, you are not alone. It is worth it – things sound really tough now, but suicide can be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please reach out for more support.