Well lets first start off by saying that I am not a proud gay and have no pride in who I am.
I come from a family well the male side where i am expected to be a manly man doing union jobs I also am the first born male in the family so I have all of that built on top of this. My dad and brother like to use the work fag like its part of thier vocab. The word gay is used to describe someing stupid.
The gay community is a joke to me a bunch of assholes that I have met that so far have made me want to jump off a cliff. When your discrimininated and rejected by your own people that is when it gets real. I feel like i will never find someone and it feels like shit.
My mom found out that I am gay last month cause she found my tumblr i am not ready to come out to my family but have had to by nesissity so i am not bashed by my family.
I wonder sometimes if life is even worth the pain that you have to go through.
I am not proud of who I am I havent accepted myself I am one of the angriest young adults you could know. I am 20 and deal with depression and battle it everyday.
I dont know what I did in my past life to be cursed with being gay.
Hating yourself is the most painful thing that a person can go through,
Letter submitted by:
I’m sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time right now. Most people have a part of them that they have difficulty accepting or wish they could change, and that is normal. Coming out as gay or LGBT doesn’t automatically mean that the person is at a point where they are ready to say they are proud to be LGBT, it means that they are ready to share with those close to them that part of their identity. Remember, sexual orientation is just one part of your identity so do not feel pressured to let it define you. Be the person that feels right to you. If you are not ready to come out to friends, don’t feel like you have to.
It is difficult that your family found out before you were ready to tell them. Your family may have many questions about your sexuality and may need time and help to become more understanding and supportive of you. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation. On their website at www.pflag.org click on “Get Support” then click on “For Family & Friends” where you’ll find the pamphlets “Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People” and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one’s sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they’re having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won’t attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you.
It may also be helpful to reach out to others who can relate to your situation and support you. If you do not feel like you have a friend or family member you can talk to about what you are going through, there is Trevor Lifeline (866-4-U-TREVOR), TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace where you can reach out and receive support from people who care and can relate. We are always here and want to help because many of us know what it is like to feel like an outsider. However, it does get better and I hope that with the support of people who care, you become able to feel more comfortable with who you are.