I have always identified myself as a straight female. I have always liked boys. When i was in middle school I think I had a crush on one of my female friends. I met a girl a few months back while I was dating my ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I wanted to just keep hanging out with her. I wanted her to feel the same. We ended up kissing while she was intoxicated. We had a sleepover the other night and things went further. She was intoxicated again. I understand she is straight. She has told me I’m the only girl she has ever been attracted to and she would ever do anything sexual with. She said she had fun the next day and she has said before that she would date me. I don’t know if she is just saying this because she is intoxicated or not. I enjoyed what we did because I do find her attractive and I think i might have a crush on her. I don’t usually look at girls and check them out like I do with boys.I’m a very jealous person when it comes to guys I like, yet when she tells me about guys who are talking to her I don’t mind. I could not see myself date a girl because I only tend to have “crushes” on them. I’m very confused right now. I don’t want to talk about this with friends or family because if this is a phase I don’t want to look like I did it all for attention. I know if i truly am bisexual my friends will be accepting completely. I know my mom has told me nothing would change between us if I was ever lesbian but she does think bisexuals are confused. I know she would get over this after a talk with me. I’m very confused. Long story short. Am I Bi or just confused? If I am bi when should I come out?
Letter submitted by:
First and foremost, having questions about your sexuality is completely normal, and it can be confusing. It also sounds like the situation you are in with this particular girl you are seeing is making things even more confusing. Just know that everything you are feeling is completely natural and normal, and being LGBT is completely natural and normal.
Everyone goes through a period of discovery regarding their sexuality, and it takes time to discover what will feel right to you. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about who you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both. There is no rush to figure all this out. Having different attractions and curiosities about boys and girls is normal, and confusion is understandable, especially as you start to have different experiences with girls and boys. Try to approach your sexuality with time, openness and honesty. In addition, in relation to the girl you have been involved with, it might help having a serious talk with her when she isn’t intoxicated. If you feel comfortable and safe, tell this girl what you are feeling. Just remember there is no rush to figure this out, and as frustrating as being confused can be, it’s completely normal.
In the meantime, on www.bisexual.org, you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. If you have a trusted adult you can talk to, such as a parent, teacher or school counselor, that can be helpful too. For another place to go, check out Trevorspace at www.trevorspace.org. This is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13-24, their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality. At Trevor, we are always here for you.