I Don’t know what to do

Published Letter #2611 - Posted in , , , .

Question:

Hi. I really don’t know why I’m doing this. I’m 14 and I think I’m straight but I think I might be bi. I just find myself attracted to girls and boys. My parents are really religious and don’t approve of gay marriage, but whether I’m bi or not I have no problem with gay marriage and I want to become an activist when I’m older. I’ve heard of the Trevor Project and I thought it might help me. I don’t think I’m in a crisis situation, but I wanted to write in. I have low self esteem and I don’t like myself very much. I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to, especially about my support for gay marriage. I feel like if I tell my parents my opinion, they won’t love me as much. I know it might be stupid but I can’t shake that feeling. I’m really scared to write this in case they find out but I feel like this is important. I really just want someone to talk to.

Answer:

Dear Julez:

You have written in your letter that you would like someone to talk to. You are not sure if you can talk to your parents or if their love would change toward you if you shared your feelings about yourself and your opinions on gay marriage. In your letter you say you support gay marriage and want to be an activist for it when you are older. You have also stated that you are questioning your sexuality and that you are attracted to both girls and boys. You say you have low self esteem and have a problem liking yourself. That is never a good feeling and liking yourself is important. I commend for contacting AskTrevor you can always talk to us.

We all experience problems with self-esteem at certain times in our lives especially during our teens when we’re figuring out who we are and where we fit in. The good news is that, because everyone’s self-image changes over time, self-esteem is not fixed for life. Be yourself, do the best at everything you do and know that you are awesome be positive about who you are. Check out http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/self_esteem.html#.

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people. Sexual orientation is usually discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of the other sex), gay/lesbian (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of one’s own sex), and bisexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to both men and women). It may help to think about whom you have crushes on and whom you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both. Who fills your fantasies? This may be just consideration or an indication of sexual orientation. It’s ok if you don’t have the answers to these questions right now there is plenty of time to figure it out. Whatever your answer is you need to understand you are not alone or the only one.

Perhaps there is a close friend, family member, counselor or doctor you can turn to to discuss your questions and opinions with. There are websites you can turn to for more information. http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out. On http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may answer some questions. Check out Advocates for Youth at www.advocatesforyouth.org start here http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/topics-issues/glbtq/606?task=view. If you need support or just want to talk The Trevor Project is here for you. Check out TrevorSpace www.trevorspace.org it’s a safe place where you can network with others who might have the same issues and questions you have. There isTrevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor about what you’re feeling and experiencing. There is also TrevorChat it is a free, confidential and a secure online messaging service that provides live help through The Trevor Project website. You can always write back to AskTrevor any time. It is natural, normal and right to be who you are. The Trevor Project is here for you we have got your back.

Best of All Things to You,

AskTrevor