I don’t know what to do anymore…

Published Letter #1580 - Posted in , .

Question:

Dear Trevor,
I am a 15 year old sophomore girl in boarding school. I know that I'm definitely attracted to girls but I'm not sure if I'm bi or gay. I came out to my best friend since 5th grade as bi and she was anything but supportive. We are now no longer friends. My roommate at school is homophobic so I do not plan on coming out at school at least until the year is over. My parents are also homophobic, especially my mother, and they are also religious. I pretend to believe in God but I don't know how to believe in someone who doesn't accept who I am. I already do not have a very good relationship with my family, which is the main reason why I wanted to live away from home. I have a huge crush on one of the girls down the hall from me but I'm not sure if she is straight or not. She's constantly touching me and I feel like she likes me too, but I don't know if its just in my head. I have begun to feel really depressed and just alone for these last couple of months and have begun to do self-harm. I started with leaving my hand on the heater next to my bed until the pain starts to go away. But eventually that stopped helping as much so I've started cutting. I thought about trying to get help but my parents don't believe that depression is real and they think psychologists are just an excuse to take good, hard-earned money. Please help me because right now, I have no idea what to do anymore.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Trevor Staff

Dear musicobsessed12,

It is extremely admirable that you have been able to be honest with yourself about your feelings, and that you are so self-aware at your age, particularly in your situation. It takes a lot of courage to be able to face something that those around you reject out of fear or ignorance, so you should be very proud. Relationships and feelings are particularly confusing in adolescence, and as difficult as it is, the fact that you are reaching out and thinking about these things shows a lot of maturity and strength.

It is incredibly difficult to have to hide such an integral part of who you are, and it’s completely understandable that you feel alone or isolated. Self-injury is one way that people cope with those feelings, because it gives them a degree of control over their pain, or because it helps them feel alive. However, while it may provide short-term relief, the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it can become, and the more difficult it may be to stop. Contrary to your parent’s belief, depression is a very real illness, and one that affects many people. It can amplify those feelings of loneliness and isolation. If you feel you cannot talk to your parents about it, I would encourage you to find a school counselor or trusted adult that you can talk to about it. If you feel the need to talk, or you want to cut, you can also absolutely call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor at any time. There are Trevor lifeline counselors that you can speak with about what you’re feeling and your urge to hurt yourself, and they can work with you to find a therapist to help you. You can also find out more through them about Gay-Straight Alliances and LGBT groups in your area, where you can meet others who are going through similar experiences. You may also find the websites http://www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm helpful. Both provide information about cutting, and can help you find alternative things to do when you feel the urge to hurt yourself.

Regarding your parents and religion, you may be interested in browsing through the Institute for Welcoming Resources site at http://www.welcomingresources.org/. Though many religious leaders and individuals may preach that homosexuality is a sin, there are many who support the LGBT community. You can also read about the Biblical scriptures that teach compassion and support for gay people through the numerous guides on Soulforce’s “Resources” webpage at http://www.soulforce.org and the PFLAG guide “Faith in our Families: Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf. Even if religion isn’t your thing, these might help you with your parents at some point.

Please remember that no matter how the people around you react, there is nothing wrong or shameful about how you are feeling. There will always be those who reject what they do not understand out of fear or pride, or ignorance, but for every one of them, there will be others who love and support you. You are precious, and you are special, and nobody can take that away from you. You can always reach out to us through The Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace.

Love and best wishes,

Trevor

admin

Dear _____,
It is extremely admirable that you have been able to be honest with yourself about your feelings, and that you are so self-aware at your age, particularly in your situation. It takes a lot of courage to be able to face something that those around you reject out of fear or ignorance, so you should be very proud. Relationships and feelings are particularly confusing in adolescence, and as difficult as it is, the fact that you are reaching out and thinking about these things shows a lot of maturity and strength.
It is incredibly difficult to have to hide such an integral part of who you are, and it’s completely understandable that you feel alone or isolated. Self-injury is one way that people cope with those feelings, because it gives them a degree of control over their pain, or because it helps them feel alive. However, while it may provide short-term relief, the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it can become, and the more difficult it may be to stop. Contrary to your parent’s belief, depression is a very real illness, and one that affects many people. It can amplify those feelings of loneliness and isolation. If you feel you cannot talk to your parents about it, I would encourage you to find a school counselor or trusted adult that you can talk to about it. If you feel the need to talk, or you want to cut, you can also absolutely call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor at any time. There are Trevor lifeline counselors that you can speak with about what you’re feeling and your urge to hurt yourself, and they can work with you to find a therapist to help you. You can also find out more through them about Gay-Straight Alliances and LGBT groups in your area, where you can meet others who are going through similar experiences. You may also find the websites www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm helpful. Both provide information about cutting, and can help you find alternative things to do when you feel the urge to hurt yourself.
Regarding your parents and religion, you may be interested in browsing through the Institute for Welcoming Resources site at http://www.welcomingresources.org/. Though many religious leaders and individuals may preach that homosexuality is a sin, there are many who support the LGBT community. You can also read about the Biblical scriptures that teach compassion and support for gay people through the numerous guides on Soulforce’s “Resources” webpage at www.soulforce.org and the PFLAG guide “Faith in our Families: Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf. Even if religion isn’t your thing, these might help you with your parents at some point.
Please remember that no matter how the people around you react, there is nothing wrong or shameful about how you are feeling. There will always be those who reject what they do not understand out of fear or pride, or ignorance, but for every one of them, there will be others who love and support you. You are precious, and you are special, and nobody can take that away from you. You can always reach out to us through The Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace.
Love and best wishes,
Trevor

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