Hi , uhm. I don’t really have anyone else to ask or talk to but her it goes. I am confused about my sexuality like a lot of people are but I need some help. For a year I have been questioning if I’m bisexual or something else. All my life I’ve looked at girls differently but I’ve never really though of it, I’ve sit and stopped to watch lingerie commercials even when I was 6 years old. I’ve had crushes on guys all my life at school and celebritites but I’ve never had an actual on a specific girl or anything like that. I have fantasized about guys and mostly girls but i don’t know if that really means anything. I would think dating a girl would maybe set me straight but frankly theres no one in my area that i know who bi or pan or gay. There is a youth group in my town but I don’t want to tell my parents because I only want to start telling people if I am for certain on what my sexuality is. And I’m not that tight with my parents so I don’t really want to tell them that I’m sexually confused because then they’ll wanna sit down and have a serious talk and i get really awkward in those kind of situations. So I’m confused and I don’t really know what to do. Please help.
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Kudos to you for reaching out to Ask Trevor! These are some brave questions you are asking yourself, but they are also very normal questions. Many teenagers and young adults are going through the same thing that you are going through right now. By taking a big step like this, you are on your way to living a happier and healthier life.
Bisexuality is very natural, just like being straight or being gay is natural. While trying to understand your sexuality, remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic, as well as physical feelings and attraction to another person. When considering your own sexuality, ask yourself if you’ve had crushes on guys, girls, or both sexes. Have you had physical, emotional, and/or romantic feelings for a person of the same sex, the opposite sex, or both? I encourage you to continue to read more about bisexuality and recommend reading PFLAG’s “Bisexuality 101”, which you can find here: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf . I can definitely understand your apprehension about going to your local youth group, as meeting new people can be intimidating. However, I do encourage you to reach out to someone whom you can trust and possibly talk about what you’re going through. You may not be ready to come out, but you could discuss bisexuality by discussing a bisexual celebrity or musician. This may give you an idea of how your friend may react if you were to ever come out to them or discuss your feelings with them.
In regards to coming out, remember that you should only come out when you are absolutely ready. There is no right way to come out, nor is there a right person to whom you should come out. Coming out is all about comfort – come out in the way you feel most comfortable, to the person with whom you feel the most comfortable, and, most importantly, at the time at which you feel most comfortable. In regards to your parents, even if you are not close to them, you may find that they are more open minded than you originally thought. That being said, keep in mind that your safety is your upmost importance. If you do have a fear that your parents may react harshly, either emotionally or physically, or may even kick you out of your home because of your sexuality, you may want to come up with a safety plan. Again, your safety is always key. For more information on coming out, read the Human Right’s Campaign’s guide to coming out, found online here: http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf .
I also encourage you to keep in touch with The Trevor Project community. You can certainly find an accepting community through TrevorSpace, The Trevor Project’s social network designed for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24. You should also know that there is always someone to offer you advice, either through our online chat service TrevorChat, located at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat, or through our lifeline, which you can reach by calling 1-866-488-7386.
I’m so proud of you for reaching out to us – you are such a brave and wonderful person. Your life is definitely on the right track!
The Trevor Project