I recently came out to my parents entirely so that I could take my girl to homecoming, but I don’t think they really understand. My mom is acting like we’re not really a couple like I’m going to grow up and marry some man someday or accidentally have kids like my Dad said. I tell my Dad and Mom there is no way I would have kids accidentally because I don’t like boys but they keep acting like I’m going to grow up and marry and man and have kids. I really don’t think they get it. It’s rather depressing to know even though I came out They act like it never happened, sometimes I’m not sure if they remember or not. The people my mom lives with don’t care, they think it’s awesome I finally came out. I just don’t know what to do.
I am so glad you wrote to The Trevor Project about this. You took a huge step by coming out to your parents; that’s an extremely brave thing to do. Sometimes, the people we are closest to and who we love may have a hard time accepting it because they envisioned life differently. It can take time for them to adjust their frame of mind based on your true sexuality.
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation. On their website at http://www.pflag.org, click on “Get Support” then click on “For Families, Friends & Allies” where you’ll find the pamphlets “Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People” and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your parents to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one’s sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they’re having with people in their lives. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your parents won’t attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you. Other resources you might share with them are the books “Now That You Know: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children” which addresses many issues and questions that arise for parents of gay and lesbian children, and “Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together.” Resources you can offer your parents may help them to understand your feelings and their own which will help the process along.
If you want to get some peer feedback, try TrevorSpace at http://www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who have been through or are going through what you are dealing with.
And please remember, you can always utilize the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 24 hours 7 days a week, if you need to talk to someone.
Thank you, Art, for taking such a huge step in coming out to yourself, your parents, and to contacting The Trevor Project. Hopefully these resources will be helpful to you. You are clearly a courageous and strong individual. We wish you the best and we are always here for you.
The Trevor Project