I dunno what to do

Question:

I have known I was gay for a while.  It just took a while for it to sink in.  I now know that I am bisexual.  It scares me.  I’m afraid to tell anyone and I have wanted to tell my best friend, but her parents wouldn’t let us hang out if I did.  I have heard what some people say about the LGBTQ groups, and it hurts.  They act like it’s some kind of disease.  My brother asked me if I had a boyfriend, and when I said no he asked if I had a girlfriend.  Though I denied, I can’t help but think that he wasn’t really that far off.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Sheadon,

Thank you for writing to us here at Ask Trevor.  Your message addresses several interesting questions.  Let me first say that sexuality is a very complex concept.  In trying to understand your sexuality, perhaps it would help to understand that sexual orientation involves physical, emotional, as well as romantic feelings and attraction for people of both genders.

You mentioned in your message that at one point you “thought” you were gay, but now you “know” you are bisexual.  Regardless of your sexual orientation, it’s important to emphasize the belief that sometimes gay or bisexual feelings and attraction are only a phase that people go through – a stepping stone of some sort on the path to discovering one’s sexual identity. In some ways it’s true.  For some people who experience gay or bisexuality feelings and attraction, it’s merely a stage in acknowledging their heterosexuality or homosexuality.  And although not necessarily everyone goes through this “phase” as a part of growing up, it’s nevertheless normal for those who do.  In the end, it’s important to remember that humans are complex, dynamic creatures.  For example, one’s feelings during one part of life might not match those during another part of life, let alone on a day-to-day basis.  Therefore, for you it may or may not be just a phase.  Only time will time.

You’re at the very young age of eleven.  And during adolescence, it is normal to be curious about your overall development.  With that being said, it’s not necessary to label yourself or your sexuality at this age or any other, if you don’t feel comfortable about doing so.  In fact, as statistics show, a large majority of people become aware of their “true” sexuality in college, after much soul-searching.  So for now, what’s important is focusing on who makes you happy, regardless of gender.

It’s truly unfortunate that you do not feel safe or comfortable with your sexuality with the people in your immediate environment.  However, remember when it comes to support and advice, you’re never truly alone.  If you do not feel that you’re able to turn to your family, friends, or, in your case, organizations in your school/community, you might be interested in joining TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org).  It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies.  It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.  And remember there is the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR and TrevorChat.  We are always here for you!

Trevor Staff