I feel so hopeless

Question:

Dear Trevor, My name is Tyler and I’m 15 years old, 16 in February, and I live in Lutz FL. A lot of crap is going on all over the place… I’m homeschooled so i only get out, with friends and stuff, on 1 day of the week, at a Christian homeschool “coop” day… I try to come out to 1 of my closest friends, but she’s anti-gay and immediately shot it down like it was nothing and wont acknowledge it. My parents are divorcing right now… And it doesn’t help that I feel like coming out SO badly… But my mom, whom I am closest with, is Christian (so am I) and I can’t come out to her because she is constantly making remarks about how being gay / Bi / lesbian is “pure evil” and “completely against the bible”. My dad has been really distant over my past 15 years.. I’m not going to point fingers, cause that’s not what I do. But he tells me to “take off my bowtie” or “take off the scarf” (little things that really bug me for some reason) because they’re “not what normal guys wear” / “It’s not even appropriate to wear it today” when he’s secretly texting my mom about “how it’s too feminine and I shouldn’t be allowed to wear it. I just want some strength in my own life… I feel so weak and helpless… I see people like on TV who are openly gay (as the character and real life) and I wonder “Why can’t I be like him?” My mom purposely makes sure I never watch anything with a gay or Bi person in it. So I purposely (secretly) keep up with shows like GLEE cause I look up to people on that show.. And I feel like I can relate to some of the actors lives. I just feel so lonely through all of it though… I don’t have anyone around who truly understands me.. I feel broken and hurt and I don’t think I can take it anymore.. It’s exhausting and I feel completely hopeless… How do I get through this? How can I come out to my mom without her freaking out on me? I don’t want to feel like I’m going to Explode (emotionally) anymore..

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