Ok, well I guess in order to get my question out I need to sort of talk about my past. I just recently got dumped by my first girlfriend which in all fairness is a sad event to begin with. But there are other things involved that make it bad. She lied to me a lot and used me in a lot of ways for attention. I will admit that I knew she wasn’t the greatest choice for me. I was so happy to find that someone could actually love me and say they love me, that I would fool myself into thinking it was all perfect. I was happy for the first time in my life. But then of course, she dumped me in an unkind way and left me to be totally confused and super sad and hurt. Then I later heard that she was dating her best friend, who is a guy, but I knew she was bi so I can’t really be mad about that. I was, however, mad about how she told me she would never leave me for this guy. I later find out that he had been telling people that they had been fooling around behind my back while I was with her. This made me super upset because she also told me cheating was something she would never stand for. She would get extremely mad if I even so much as looked at anyone else when I was with her. So I guess my whole question from this is … does it get better? Is it actually possible to find something real and pure in a same-sex relationship or am I rather doomed to feel heart break for the rest of my life? I can understand that this question sounds like a major bummer. Quite honestly with all the pain I have taken from this girl (and believe me she did everything within her power to make me hurt after we broke up) I feel totally disenchanted to ever love again or to ever put the effort into any relationship because now it all seems like a big waste of time. It sucks that I have become this way because I did everything within my power to make her feel good. I was really good to her. It just seems like I wasted so much on someone who treated me so poorly and now I’m just completely confused on how I feel about love and if it’s worth it. Generally I am a very romantic person. I could make someone really happy but now I feel that I have no motivation in this world whatsoever.
Well I hope you can give me some insight,
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I’m really glad that you wrote to Ask Trevor with your questions and concerns. Let me start by saying that I’m very sorry to hear that this happened to you. It sounds like you are a really good person and put a lot of love and energy into this relationship. Unfortunately, your ex-girlfriend made some poor decisions that were selfish and hurtful. You bring up some interesting philosophical questions about trust and love in relationships. Specifically, you ask “Does it get better? Is it actually possible to find something real and pure in a same-sex relationship or am I rather doomed to feel heart break for the rest of my life?” The issues that you experienced in this relationship are not unique to same-sex relationships. This same scenario could have happened if you were dating a guy. For any healthy relationship to work out there needs to be mutual love and respect for one another. As we mature and understand ourselves better, we can learn how to be an equal partner in relationships. It’s possible that your ex-girlfriend’s maturity level was not ready for a steady committed relationship of any kind. Furthermore, she may not be truly comfortable yet with her own bisexuality. We all come to understand our sexuality and become comfortable with this in our own time.
Even though this was a very painful experience with your first girlfriend, please do not feel disenchanted that every future relationship will work out in the same way. Try to find something positive to take away from this experience. Did you learn anything new about yourself? We often gain wisdom and get to know ourselves better by going through tough times…and we come out of these experiences as smarter and stronger people! Hang in there. You will find the right person who will be able to provide you with the level of love and respect that you deserve.
If you have any questions in the future please feel free to use Ask Trevor again or The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, or TrevorSpace. We are always here for you!