I have known I am bisexual for 12 years now and still cannot come to terms with it. It feels like a disease to me that won’t go away. I have often found myself cutting doing drugs and drinking alcohol. I see all these people who are so proud of that part of them and I feel so alone in this feeling. I have pushed myself to the limits and can’t accept this part of me.
Letter submitted by:
First, thank you for writing! I hope I can help in some part to make you feel like you are in a better place. Thank you for being open in your letter. Please know that there is nothing wrong with you or how you are feeling about your sexuality. It is important to know that during all of the confusion and loneliness you may feel, you are never alone. Everyone is at a different place in their “coming-out process” or in their self-acceptance. Be sure to give yourself some credit for all you are going through. Remember to be patient with yourself as you too have a lot to be proud of.
You indicated that you find yourself cutting and abusing drugs and alcohol. People will often turn to cutting or substance abuse as a way of dealing with or managing overwhelming emotions or stress. It is important to know that cutting may temporarily relieve your stress but the longer it goes on the more dangerous, or life threatening, cutting can be. Cutting can also cause you to feel shame, guilt, depressed and out of control after. Drugs and alcohol can also have negative effects on the body that leave you feeling similarly. Remember, these are only temporary solutions. When you have that urge to cut, or to do drugs or use alcohol, there are a lot of healthy substitutes that won’t put yourself at risk. Some will choose to go running, listen to a favorite song, do yoga, paint, or even write in a journal. Next time you have the feeling to cut, or to use drugs/alcohol, try one of these options instead.
It is also helpful to contact a friend or a trusted adult if your comfort level permits it to discuss your feelings. Often times we are not able to process these life events alone. If you can’t talk with a friend or another adult, there is always someone to listen, you are never alone. Here are some resources that I would recommend:
You can always contact us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. You might also try TrevorSpace (http://www.trevorspace.org) which is a social network that allows you to connect with peers that may be processing some similar events in their own life. We also have TrevorChat (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat) where you can chat online with a counselor.
Thanks again for writing. Don’t forget, keep being you!