I Need Some Help

Question:

Dear Trevor,

I am 23 years old and am bisexual. My friends and I don’t speak as much due to the fact that I could “get turned onto them” which makes them uncomfortable. So I made friends with the local drag kings and queens. I met a special person in my life, we started dating, and as of Thanksgiving this year became engaged. My partner is named Ally. She is MTF trans* I knew things could be rocky for the both of us, and I was ready to face the world. I love Ally and won’t let anything stop me from loving her. My biggest problem I face now is the fact that people don’t accpet the fact that I’m bisexual and basically going lesbian on them because Ally is saving up to have the operations done to complete the change. I was pushed into a brick wall several times and the person kept calling me a “faggot lover”. How should I take care of things so neither my lover or I will get hurt anymore?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Trevor Staff

Hello,
Thank you for contacting Ask Trevor! It sounds like you are going through a rough time but it is an amazingly brave and courageous thing to determine to live a life that makes you happy. That is what matters most, right? Finding love and happiness in one’s life is what everyone strives for, and it sounds like you are well on your way. The fact that you are willing and ready to deal with hard times for your fiancé shows how great of a person you are, that you are willing to follow your heart over societies expectations. No one has the right to make you feel inferior for any reason, especially for who you are or who you love. And no one has the right to make you feel unsafe in any way, no matter if they are friends or family. If you ever feel unsafe please speak to a trusted adult, relative, neighbor, or counselor. If people are physically threatening you then you have every right to seek protection even if you have to involve law enforcement. I understand this is a difficult thing to do but if you have been physically threatened then you have the right to ensure the safety of yourself and your fiancé by any means necessary. Never hesitate to call 911 if you feel you are being victimized due to your or your fiancés sexuality. Being physically assaulted because of your sexuality is a hate crime and can be prosecuted under the law. If this situation persists or escalates do not hesitate to call the authorities. Your safety comes first!

I would also like to address the treatment you have received from your friends. Sometimes it takes a while for people to understand and be comfortable with alternative sexualities. This doesn’t mean they will always act this way but sometimes they need some help to gain that understanding. Give them time to adapt but do not let them make you feel badly about yourself- you are perfect the way you are. Perhaps having a discussion with them regarding bisexuality would help them come to terms with this part of you. Your sexuality does not define you, it is simply who you are attracted to, remind them that you are the same person they became friends with in the first place and just because you identified your sexuality does not make you any different. It is hard talking about this with anyone but one resource that may help is PFLAG: Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). It is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, that supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on “Get Support” then click on “For Family & Friends” where you’ll find the pamphlet “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. Also, on http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help.
You found someone you love and want to be with for the rest of your life and that is an amazing thing. Do not let anyone tell you that because your love is different from the mainstream that it is any less valid or any less deserving of the right to be safe and happy. You are doing a great thing by fighting for your happiness, do not doubt that. If you ever need help please do not hesitate to call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor. There is also Trevor Chat where you can go to talk to someone, as well as Trevor Space which can connect you to other LGBTQ youth. You are not alone and we are always here for you!

Trevor

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