I have always thought I was different, but I never related that difference to my sexuality until very recently. I’ve grown up thinking I was straight because that’s what everyone says I should be. I have become very pro-LGBT in the past three years, so I absolutely no problem questioning my sexuality.
Today, I sort of had the realization that I might be pansexual. It made the so much sense to me and the thought of me being pansexual felt right. I realized that it didn’t matter to me whether I was with a guy or girl as long as that person had a personality that I could be attracted to them. I kept on thinking that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it and I started to feel happier than I ever have in a while. I even thought of telling my parents. But I decided I should research it a bit and wait some time to think about my sexuality to make sure I’m really an pansexual. So I started doing some research about pansexuality and I started getting less and less inclined to want to be pansexual. People said a lot of things about being called bisexual, which I know I am not. They were talking about being made fun of having sex with dogs and pans.
I scared and excited to want to be pansexual at the same time. I’m not sure what to do with myself because if I am pansexual, I’m afraid my friends (who aren’t as open to questioning sexuality as I am) won’t look at me the same because of it. I am also worried about gossip because I go to a very small all-girls school. The school is full of snotty, high-end girls who look down on everyone. I also have the problem of testing my sexuality because I have never had a real relationship in my life. Can I know my sexuality for sure without having a relationship? I’m not sure what to do!
Thank you writing to us! It is okay to feel different and completely normal to question your sexuality. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being pansexual like you said. It sounds awful that people were making fun of being pansexual. You were brave for reaching out to us.
Figuring out your sexuality does not mean that you have to come out. Coming out is very personal and you should only do it if you feel comfortable and safe. In trying to figure out whether or not to come out, it can help to ask yourself some questions including: What does it feel like keeping this part of your life a secret? Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about your classmates finding out? Are you worried that if you told your friends, you’d be unsafe physically or emotionally? If you feel now is the right time, that’s absolutely fine. What is most important is that you are comfortable and safe.
Having a relationship can help you understand your sexuality but it does not mean that you need to be in a relationship to figure out your sexuality. As I mention before, looking at your past and seeing who you had crushes on will give you a clue as to what your sexual orientation is. Sexual orientation may change over time as you encounter different experiences. It is always important to remember that this is normal and that everything takes time.
On http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. I have found a website on pansexuality that may help you: http://www.wipeouthomophobia.com/pansexuality.htm. Although there isn’t that much information on it, you should consider joining TrevorSpace at http://trevorspace.org if you are not already a member. It is a safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity. Also remember The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR and TrevorChat if you need anything else. We are always here with you.