hi well im in 9th grade right now. i was bullied back in 8th grade when i changed schools. they kids would tell me im lez and talk about it behind my back. and make up things about me making out with another girl when the things were not true.
i always felt like i liked girls but i was never able to admitt it. and this past school year me and my best friend made out and i liked it. she is bisexual. and now i feel llike im bisexual cause im attarcted to girls. does it make me bisexual if i like girls from the boobs and up?
im also needing help on telling my mom that i think im bisexual. she laughed when we found out that my cousin is gay…. im scared she is gonna laugh at me and make this a big old deal like the world is ending cause here daughter is bisexual. can i get some advice?
Letter submitted by:
I want to commend your courage for reaching out to The Trevor Project, it took a great amount of bravery to write such a letter. What you are going through is perfectly normal and many people your age are going through the same thing. Your confusion is also common and I hope I can offer you the help and advice you need!
First, you should know that bisexuality is completely natural, just like homosexuality and heterosexuality. Second, I encourage you to explore your feelings and possible bisexual attraction. Keep in mind that bisexuality is a physical, emotional, and romantic attraction to people of either sex. Do you feel these three types of attraction towards both men and women? Think about who you’ve had crushes on in the past, as this may help you realize whether or not you are bisexual. I also suggest reading PFLAG’s Bisexuality 101, located online here: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf.
When it comes to coming out, the most important thing is to come out when you’re comfortable and ready. There is no rush, and there is no right way to do it. When you’re ready, come out to someone whom you can trust and in the most comfortable way possible. You may also want to ask yourself why you wish to come out. Also keep in mind how it feels to keep a secret like this from other people. Does it cause a lot of stress? What do you hope to achieve from coming out? Coming out has the potential to bring you closer to your friends and family as you share an important part of yourself with them, but it is perfectly understandable to have fears about coming out to people especially your parents. It’s impossible to know for sure how a person may react to your coming out, but you may want to test the waters by discussing a gay or bisexual person, such as an actor or musician, in order to see how they feel about such a person. You may want to start the coming out process by coming out to a person whom you can really trust, such as a close friend, a teacher, or a guidance counselor. Having someone to talk to about your feelings can only help you. Your safety is also very important. If you think your parents may do something drastic like kick you out for coming out, you may want to have a safety plan just in case. But remember – there is no rush to coming out. For more on coming out, read the Human Rights Campaign’s Resource Guide to Coming Out, located here: http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf.
It also sounds like you’ve experienced some bullying in the form of rumors, and I’d like to address this as well. You have a right to be both emotionally and physically safe, especially at school. If you’re experiencing bullying, I encourage you to see a school administrator as soon as a possible. It’s their job to keep you safe and happy at school. Also try your best not to focus too much on rumors and instead focus on being yourself! True happiness lies in being true to yourself. You may also want to look into organizations that address homophia and transphobia. The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) offers a special section on their website, found at GLSEN.org, under “What We Do” that offers programs made to help people in your school become more supportive and understanding of people like you. Check it out!
Finally, be sure keep in touch with The Trevor Project community. You can find an accepting community through TrevorSpace, The Trevor Project’s social network designed for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24. You should also know that there is always someone to offer you advice, either through our online chat service TrevorChat, located at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat, or through our lifeline, which you can reach by calling 1-866-488-7386.
I hope you find this advice helpful; I’m confident that you’re on the right track to a better, happier life!
The Trevor Project