i think my mum is homophobic

Question:

Is it to young to think you are bisexual at the age of 14? After being bullied after a rumuor was started that I was a lesbian at school, I started to believe it, but dont anymore as I am attracted to guys. However when I see women on TV and in films I can’t help thinking that some of them are hot. I have never had a crush on a girl but have had them on boys which makes me think Im straight, but then I find a small amount of girls attractive. Does it mean Im bicurious if I just want to try kissing a girl and a boy before deciding what sexuality I am? When Im at school I feel homosexual and when Im at home I feel bisexual/curious. What should I do?

thanks

btw please dont say to talk to anyone, i think my mum is homophobic , i trust no one and am socially akward, and i dont want to tell anyone untill im in university as people seem much more accepting there and want to be sure of my sexuallity before i tell someone.

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Answer:

I am so glad you have made the decision to write to The Trevor Project, you are so brave for reaching out to us. It seems like you are going through a lot right now, but I hope I can offer you some good advice and help you on your way to a happier life.

First, in regards to sexuality, you should know that there is nothing wrong with being bisexual. If you are not sure if you are bisexual, then I encourage you to do some research and thinking. Think about the people that you’ve had crushes on in the past. Also keep in mind that sexuality is a combination of physical, emotional, and romantic attractions to another person. Have you felt all these attractions towards both men and women? Check out Bisexuality 101, an informative resource from PFLAG that can help answer some of your questions. You can find it online here: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf.

I’m also very sorry to hear that you’ve experienced bullying at school due to such rumors.  Again, remember that there is nothing wrong with being bisexual or lesbian. But there is something wrong with people who bully other people because of their sexuality. You have a right to be safe at home and at school. I highly encourage you to talk to an adult whom you can trust, such as a teacher, a counselor, or an administrator. It is their job to keep you safe. You don’t have to discuss your sexuality with them if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, but you can alert them to the bullying that you’re experiencing in an effort to make your environment safer.

If you have had thoughts of coming out to a friend or discussing your sexuality with someone, please know that there is no rush. Coming out is somethings you should only do when you’re comfortable and ready. Also, remember that you should come out to people with whom you feel comfortable. If you’re not sure if someone will accept your sexuality, you may want to test the waters by discussing a gay person, such as a celebrity or musician, and see how they may react. But the bottom line is that you’re physical and emotional safety is important when coming out. If you’re afraid that your parents won’t understand, again, you may want to test the waters before having that conversation with them. If you’re afraid something drastic may occur, such as your mom kicking you out of the house, then you may want figure out a safety plan just in case. But again, coming out is something to consider when you’re good and ready. Also ask yourself why you may want to come out. Will it lift a weight off of your shoulders? Coming out can also bring you closer to your friends and family as you share an important part of who you are with them. For more on coming out, please read the Human Rights Campaign’s Resource Guide to Coming Out, found online here: http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf. When you are ready to talk to someone, start with a close friend you can trust, maybe even a teacher, and go from there. You may find that coming out is easier after you start with that first person. Writing may also be a good exercise – trying writing about your feelings before speaking to someone. It may give you a clearer picture of how you’re feeling and what you may want to say to someone when you’re good and ready.

The Trevor Project is always here for you. If you ever need help or advice, please contact us. You can call the Trevor Project lifeline at 1-866-488-7386, reach us online through TrevorChat, located at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat, or register at TrevorSpace, The Trevor Project’s social network designed for LGBTQ youth and Allies ages 13-24.

Trevor Staff