I thought I was straight…I’m confused.

Question:

I had considered myself straight for as long as I can remember. However, during my sophomore year of high school, I started to like a friend of mine…who’s a girl. Now, in my junior year, she’s all I can think about. I’m still attracted to guys, but I like her a lot. I don’t know if I’m bisexual, or I’m just attracted to her…
I only told two of my closest friends about how I feel, and since I told them they have been acting a little differently around me. Every time I try to bring up the subject of how I feel or what to do, they quickly change it. I want to ask my mom for help, but she’s extremely-for lack of a better word- conservative, and I know she won’t support me. I just feel alone, and I have no one else to turn to for advice.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Aly,

Thank you for writing to us here at Ask Trevor.  Your message addresses several interesting questions.  Let me first say that sexuality is a very complex concept.  A common misconception is that one must either be gay or straight.  In reality, sexuality is more of a spectrum.  And whenever one lies in-between those two ends of the spectrum, gay and straight, one is bisexual.

With bisexuality, many people do believe that it’s only a phase that people go through – a stepping stone of some sort on the path to discovering one’s sexual identity.  And in some ways it’s true.  For some people who experience bisexuality, it’s merely a stage in acknowledging their heterosexuality or homosexuality.  And although not necessarily everyone goes through this “phase” as a part of growing up, it’s nevertheless normal for those who do.  In the end, it’s important to remember that humans are complex, dynamic creatures.  For example, one’s feelings during one part of life might not match those during another part of life, let alone on a day-to-day basis.  Therefore, for you it may or may not be just a phase.  Only time will time.

In trying to understand your sexuality, perhaps it would help to understand that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders.  It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys, or both.

You’re very young.  And during adolescence, it is normal to be curious about your overall development.  With that being said, it’s not necessary to label yourself or your sexuality at this age or any other, if you don’t feel comfortable about doing so.  In fact, as statistics show, a large majority of people become aware of their “true” sexuality in college, after much soul-searching.  So for now, what’s important is focusing on who makes you happy, regardless of gender.

And remember, when it comes to support and advice, you’re never truly alone.  If you do not feel that you’re able to turn to your family or friends, perhaps organizations in your schools or even in the community.  You also might be interested in joining TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org).  It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies.  It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.  And remember there is the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR and TrevorChat.  We are always here for you!

Good luck to you!

~The Trevor Project