I want to come out to my family, but I’m scared

Question:

Hi. I’m a 14 year old girl and I’m bi. I’ve told my sister but she doesn’t really seem to believe me although she’s completely OK with gay people. I think that she just thinks I’m confused. My parents are very anti-gay because they are very religious. I’m kind of planning to stay in the closet until I’m 18, and then I can move to a different state or something and never talk to my family again. I’m pretty sure that if I came out to my parents now, I would get kicked out and I don’t know where I would stay.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi there,

First off, you are being incredibly brave to reach out to us for support. It really does take courage to seek help and guidance, and we’re glad you took the time to write such a thoughtful letter. From reading your letter, I hear how scary and upsetting it must be to tell someone in your family something about yourself, only to not be completely welcomed with open arms. You took such a courageous step telling your sister that you are bi. What must it feel like for you to not be able to tell your parents, people who are supposed to love you for who you are? The thing to remember is that there is never a time table to when you should come out to someone. When YOU feel safe, supported, comfortable and prepared to do so, you will know.

Is there someone outside of your family that knows that you are bi? Perhaps a close friend? Is there a teacher, guidance counselor at your school or an adult in your school that you feel very close to? Having someone in your life that is understanding to what you are going through right now can be very helpful. It can be a little scary to tell someone else that you are bi, especially after the experience you had with your sister, but it might be a good idea to find someone you are close to to talk about how you must be feeling. There are also a number of things online that you can read that might be helpful too. There’s this organization called Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) that has some wonderful things you can read, answers to questions you may have, and resources that you can potentially share with your parents when you decide to come out to them (www.PFLAG.org). Remember, there is no time table to when you need to come out.

Your strength and courage is remarkable for someone your age. Do not lose that strength or bravery. Your parents may have a very strong religious background, but they are still your parents. Just remember to feel safe, and supported (having friends you can call) when you decide to tell your parents. If you ever need someone to talk to, the Trevor Hotline is always available: 866-4-U-Trevor. Everyone here on the Trevor Team cares and loves you. Keep your head up.

Trevor Staff