I recently came out to my best friend as gay and he told me that it didn’t change who I was and was very accepting and understanding. However after coming out, he’s totally changed how he interacts with me. It isn’t that he ignores me, we still talk, but he seems he’s uncomfortable with something and it just doesn’t feel like we’re friends anymore. He means a lot to me and I feel so confused and I really don’t know what to do? Am I supposed to give up and just keep moving???
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Thank you very much for writing in! It is a very brave thing for you to do so as well as being honest with your friend and coming out.
It is amazing that your friend is accepting of who you are and that he is understanding of it as well. The very good thing is that he doesn’t ignore you. This means that the lines of communication are still open. Communication is important in any relationship, whether it is with your friends, family, partner or boss. Open and honest communication is the foundation for all great relationships. Do you think you would feel comfortable asking him if something is the matter? Let him know that you value his friendship and want to make sure that everything is okay. He may in fact be acting differently, or it could all be in your imagination. If he is acting differently, the reason could be something completely outside of this situation — you’ll never know unless you ask. Let him know that you are not coming from a bad or accusatory place and that you care that he is okay. If you don’t feel ready to talk to him yet, is there a friend or a counselor that you can practice with? This may help you plan out what you want to say.
Sometimes great friends are hard to come by and it sounds like this friend, who is accepting and understanding, is a really good friend. It is definitely worth the effort to talk things out. If you need help with what to say, you can always write back in or call us at the Trevor Lifeline 866.488.7386. Best of luck to you!