I recently came out to my best friend as gay and he told me that it didn’t change who I was and was very accepting and understanding. However after coming out, he’s totally changed how he interacts with me. It isn’t that he ignores me, we still talk, but he seems he’s uncomfortable with something and it just doesn’t feel like we’re friends anymore. He means a lot to me and I feel so confused and I really don’t know what to do? Am I supposed to give up and just keep moving???
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Thank you very much for writing in! It was a very brave and commendable thing for you to come out to your best friend.
It is a great thing that your friend has accepted who you are and it is also great that he is not ignoring you. This is important because it means that the lines of communication are still open. Honest communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, whether it be with a friend, your family, or a significant other. I understand that you might feel alone or that your relationship with your friend has changed, but in order to really know the truth, do you think that you could ask him to be completely honest and let you know if something is bothering him or if you have upset him at all?
Before you begin, reassure your best friend that you value him and that he is an important part of your life. He may in fact be acting differently or it may just be something you’re imagining. If he is acting differently, the cause may be something completely different than what you think or even something not to do with you — it could be an issue going on at home or with school. The bottom line is that you will not really know unless you have an open and honest conversation with him. If you don’t yet feel comfortable talking to him, maybe you can see a counselor at your school or another friend and practice what you want to say.
It sounds like you have a great relationship with your best friend to be able to come out to him. I would hate for you to feel like you are no longer friends without having such a critical conversation. Remember, if you ever need to talk, you can write in to us again or feel free to contact the Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386 or the GLBT National Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743).
Best of luck to you and thanks again for writing in!