im bi-sexual | Ask Trevor

Question:

I know that I’m bisexual and it took me about a couple months to admit it to myself, but now I really do know. So now I am just a little scared about coming out. My mom found out last summer when I put I’m bi on my Facebook for the “interested in “part, but none of my friends saw or noticed it. My mom asked me why I put it on there and I told her I’m just attracted to guys, but also to girls. She said to me that you can’t be bisexual, either you’re gay or straight. I asked her if that means I can’t like girls and guys and have to, instead, pick a certain gender. Afterwards, I just left the subject alone. When I put on Facebook that I am bisexual, I felt free for the first time in my life, like I had no worries. It would make me feel free because I would get to talk to talk to guys. I do kind of want to start dating, too. The thing is that my mom (and my sister) don’t believe in being bi, like I said before. They say that either you are gay or you are straight. I think about my bisexuality every day. I just want to get it off my chest so I can feel free and happy again. Thank you:)

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Cash,

Thank you for writing in to the Trevor Project! I would like to start off by telling you that being bisexual is indeed a valid sexual orientation, as is being gay, lesbian or straight. It is just as natural to be attracted to both boys and girls as it is to be attracted to either one of the genders.

It is very a good thing that you understand and are comfortable with your sexual orientation. I understand the frustration you are expressing at your mother and sister’s misinformation about bisexuality. It appears to me that they may not have been exposed to the right facts about bisexuality. If you are interested in talking to them again and helping them understand, there are several resources that you can provide them with. There is a website for the American Institute of Bisexuality (www.bisexual.org). This site is filled with information about bisexuality that you can share with your family. This website also has links that you may be interested in to support groups and communities where bisexual individuals can communicate and support one another. One resource on the website I would like to point out to you is “Bisexuality 101″ created by PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). It is located at this link: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf and is a collection of frequently-asked questions about bisexuality. Sharing this with your mother and sister may allow them to have some of their questions answered and gain a better understanding about bisexuality. Also, the PFLAG website itself (pflag.org) has literature for families of LGBT individuals that may also be beneficial to your family.

Is there anyone else besides your mother and sister whom you can talk to about your sexuality? Are there any friends, family members, teachers, guidance counselors or other trusted adults who you can turn to to talk about your feelings regarding your mother and sister, as well as someone who can guide you in your interest to begin dating. It is always good to have someone to provide you with some support. You may consider joining the Trevor Project’s social networking site, TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org). Here, you will find LGBT young people from ages 13 to 24 and their allies. This will allow you to interact with others who may have questions or concerns that are similar to yours.

As you mention in your letter, it can be very freeing to be open about your sexuality. Remember, you do not need to come out to everyone all at once. You can come out at whatever pace is comfortable for you and to whomever you feel comfortable telling. The choice is completely up to you. You stated that your friends did not notice that you changed your “Interested in” on Facebook. If this is important to you that they know you identify as bisexual, you may want to try to tell them in person. Sometimes, especially on sites like Facebook, things you post can be accidentally overlooked. If you need some advice about how to come out to your friends or anyone else, if you choose to, you may find the Human Rights Campaign’s Resource Guide To Coming Out (http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out) helpful.

I commend you again for writing in to the Trevor Project. We are always here for you if you need help. If you have more questions and would like to write in again, please feel free to write to us through Ask Trevor. If you need to speak to someone over the phone, you may contact the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR. This is free and there are counselors available on the Lifeline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Trevor Project also has a Trevor Chat (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat), which is a free and confidential instant messaging service. As I stated earlier in the letter, you can also join TrevorSpace, the social networking site for the Trevor Project.

We wish you all the best.

Trevor Staff