I’m confused | Ask Trevor

Question:

Dear Trevor
So I have been questioning my sexuality since I was 13. I’m now 17 and still haven’t figured it out yet. I have considered myself Bisexual for about a year now, but lately I have noticed my attraction to guys going away and I’m just attracted to them in the way that they look, not anything else. I have also recently noticed my attraction towards girls become stronger, in a physical and sexual way but also in the way that girls are going to be able to understand me better then guys.
I told my friend about my change in attractions to both sexes and she said that I wasn’t Bisexual but that I was actually Lesbian. Is that true?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Anonymous,

Discovering one’s sexuality growing up is both deeply personal and complicated. There is never a “one size fits all approach” because no two people are the same. Additionally, as you correctly point out, sexuality is not just about the physical attraction you feel towards one gender or another but is a complex combination of physical, mental and emotional connection with someone. It is completely normal to be questioning what “label” you ascribe yourself to as you develop so you can feel associated with one group or another, but ultimately you may discover that sexuality is more of a spectrum of these different levels of attraction and less of a neat series of categories. For these reasons, it’s important for you to not feel like you need to define yourself as bisexual or lesbian since your feelings may continue to evolve with time.

We’re very glad to hear that you have a trusted friend with whom you can discuss these questions and share your feelings. Additionally, you might be interested in reading up on the subject. Check out the following two resources: the first entitled “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” (http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177) and the second entitled “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” (http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf). Additionally, Trevorspace is a great online social networking site for LGBTQ young people between 13 and 24 years of age, their friends and allies. It’s a supportive communitve where you can connect with others who are also questioning. You’ve clearly come along way and should be proud that you are able to identify your feelings of attraction towards one or both genders. If you need to talk to someone live, feel free to contact The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR or utilize our online chat at TrevorChat. We’re always here to help.

Trevor Staff