I’ve only recently begun to question my sexuality, in the past week to be more specific, and I hope you can provide me with some guidance. I’ve recently become friends with a girl who I think is amazing. I’ve always looked up to her in some way, but this year we’ve become very good friends. I think she’s gorgeous and talented and while I’ve always thought those things, somehow it’s turned into an attraction which I can’t quite describe. I’m not even sure if it’s an attraction per se, or if this is the first really close friendship I’ve had and I’m mistaking those feelings for something else. I’m hesitant to classify myself as bisexual because I’ve never been attracted to other girls before, and I don’t find myself attracted to any girls besides her. She identifies as pansexual, if that’s relevant. Thank you so much for your advice!
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It sounds like you are beginning a wonderful journey of self-discovery and this journey always takes some time. So I encourage you not to rush things too much at this moment. While we go through this process it is very natural and normal to have different feelings and wonder how we fit into the world. It is important to remember that being attracted to someone and loving someone, whether they be of the same or different sex, is the most normal thing in the world and a wonderful gift. So there is no need to “classify yourself” as straight, lesbian, bi or whatever at the moment. Just continue to explore your friendship with mutual respect and see where it goes. Let things happen naturally and slowly and be ready to accept things if you and your friend want to be friends only (which is a great thing also!) or something more. Your sexual preferences will become clearer to you over time.
Remember that there are good and bad people of every sexual orientation. I encourage you, therefore, to become friends with people who love and accept you for who you are. Beware of people who would try to use or abuse you in any way. Find a special person to love who respects you and will help you become a better person. People are attracted to you by the positive energy that you radiate. Radiate that goodness and I am quite sure a wonderful person will appear, whether it be this friend or someone else. This is what I did and my boyfriend is definitely the best thing that ever happened in my life.
What I discovered over time is that we are all worthy of love, that we should be able to choose the one we love without fear and that life is VERY MUCH worth living. You can always check out Trevorspace at www.trevorspace.org, the Trevor Project’s safe, on-line social networking site for LBGTQ young people ages 13-24, their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others.
I want to assure you that you are a beautiful person who deserves to find happiness with the person you choose! We cannot force people to accept us, but we are free to accept ourselves and invite others to be part of the wonderful journey of life with us. May others see this beauty in you as well. I wish you all good things on your journey of self discovery and learning how to love and be loved by that special someone.