I’m not sure of my sexuality..

Question:

Um.. So, a couple days ago I heard about the glee stars supporting/involved in Trevor.. and I wasn’t really sure if I should come to ask about this..
But.. I suppose I shall.
I’m eleven, and I’m not sure of my sexuality. I like boys and girls, but I can’t typically decide whether I’m bi or straight, because I’m afraid of my parents knowing, or anyone for that matter. It terrifies me to the point of taking my life..
I’m just not sure what to do, or how to come out, or just stay in ‘the closet’ if I am bi or other.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Not knowing if you are bi or straight is very normal. It’s a complex thing, and knowing something that important about who you are can take a while. Not everyone knows at the same time, and only you will know for sure who you are and when you’ve gotten there. Remember that there are many parts to being bi or straight. There are emotional feelings for other people, romantic attraction, physical attraction. And you can feel differently about boys and girls. Think about who you feel physical attraction to, or who you have a crush on. Sometimes you may feel differently about girls and differently about boys. Thinking about these things can help you discover who you are, and remember that there is no rush. These things can take time. You may find that this brochure from PFLAG helps you in answering some of these questions about yourself.

The decision to come out is a very personal one, and the most important thing to think about is that you are safe and comfortable during and after coming out. Do you feel that your parents would be welcoming and supportive of your sexuality, or knowing that you are questioning your sexuality? Would they react well to you telling them, or would they react badly? If you do not think they would be welcoming and supportive, you may not want to tell them right away. Some people wait until they are older, or until they have moved away from home. Others tell sooner. You will know when you feel safe and comfortable coming out to your parents if you decide you are bi. Would it help to talk first to a good friend, or perhaps a trusted teacher or counselor at school? Do you know someone else out at school that you would feel comfortable talking with? And there are many ways to come out, if you decide that you are bi and feel comfortable coming out. Some people just say who they are. Some people feel more comfortable easing into the discussion, perhaps talking about a bi or gay character on a tv show, or in a movie, to see how the people in their life react. However you do it, if you decide to do it, should be a way that feels safe and comfortable for you.

If you feel terrified to the point of taking your life, or if you are having thoughts of suicide, please look for help. Talk to your parents, or a relative or trusted adult like a teacher or doctor about your thoughts. Remember, you don’t have to tell them why you are feeling this way, just that you are and that you are looking for help. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to any of those people, you can always call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386). If you feel like you are going to act on your thoughts of suicide, please go to a hospital emergency room or call 911. The most important thing is for you to be safe.

Remember, asking these questions and looking for help and writing this letter takes a lot of personal courage, and you’re a brave and strong person. You are always welcome to ask us questions, and can always reach out to the Trevor Lifeline or Ask Trevor.

Trevor Staff