I’m writing because I don’t know who else to turn to now. I recently decided that it was time to come out to my parents and brother about being bisexual and I decided to tell my brother first since we’ve always shared everything with each other and he’s always been really supportive of me in everything… or at least he had been.
The moment I told him I was bisexual it was as if I became a different person to him. He called me horrible names and yelled and hit things (I thought he might hit me but thankfully he didn’t)… I’ve never seen him so angry about anything. It was terrifying. He told me to never speak to him again or he’d tell the world exactly what I was (I won’t use the words he used because I really don’t want to think about them right now). We haven’t spoken since then and it’s been 4 months… I just don’t know how to reach out to him and make him see that I haven’t changed, I’m the same person I’ve always been and I need him in my life to support me just like I always have.
I haven’t told my parents yet, I was scared that they’d react in the same way. I also tried telling a couple of friends but neither of them wanted to talk about it and told me it was okay since loads of them had ‘girl crushes’ too. It’s not the same thing at all and it scares me that my so-called friends refuse to see or accept that.
I guess I just need to speak to someone who won’t view me as a freak for being what I am… Sometimes I wish that everything would just stop the hate, the feelings, the prejudice would anyone really miss me? I hope the answer’s yes but I’m not so sure anymore. Especially since those so-called friends have started whispering about me to others over the last few weeks and I’ve been getting strange looks- I might be being paranoid but I really doubt it’s a co-incidence.
I’m starting to hate who I am because who I am can’t talk to my brother or laugh with my friends or face my parents for fear of them realising what a freak I am… please help.
First, thank you for having the courage to write to us. Having the strength to acknowledge your true self is admirable but can often be challenging.
When a person decides to come out as being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered, it is typically because they have done some deep and thorough soul-searching and have become comfortable with their sexuality. That often takes a great deal of time. When that person then decides to begin telling their friends and family, they are taking a brave step toward living a full life as their true self.
Unfortunately, family members and friends did not have as much time as the person coming out to process the information and become comfortable with it, which is likely why your brother is reacting to the information in this manner. Everyone reacts to news in different ways. Your brother, as well as your parents and friends will need some time to think about and process what it is that you are telling them. Some will embrace you immediately and provide you with excellent support, while others may take a little more time to become comfortable with your sexuality.
There are many great resources available to you as well as your friends and family as you all go through this together. PFLAG is a terrific support and informational organization for parents and friends of those who identify as LGBT. You can find many helpful articles and resources on their website at http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=209. In addition, PFLAG offers many local support groups in communities across the United States where your parents and friends can talk to other parents and friends of the LGBT community. Other helpful resources can be found on the Human Rights Campaign’s website, which has an entire section dedicated to helping you through the process of coming out. This can be found at http://www.hrc.org/coming-out-center#.UIWqpLSDTdk . You can speak with us anytime here at the Trevor Project through our programs: Ask Trevor, TrevorSpace, Trevor Chat, and the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR. We are always here for you.
You have already taken the first step by telling your brother, which was such a brave thing to do. The best thing to do is to keep communicating with your brother in a way that shows him that you understand that this is a big change and be open and honest with him about your feelings. No matter who you come out to, just remember to be confident and proud about who you are, be honest, and be understanding. Each day gets better.