So in 2010 my family forced my out and it was a very awkward summer we barely spoke to each other at all. My parents gave me Hate speeches, surprise trips to therapy, surprise trips to a priest, and lots if mental abuse that they thought would save me for my own good when in reality they destroyed me. Because of them I had suicidal thoughts, cried every night, and felt do alone because they took all communication to the outside world away from me. Sept. 27 2012 I finally built up the courage to write a five page letter to my dad and gave it to him right after I left school. I was freaking out because my family is the biggest homophobes ever! And friends knew that and they gave me lots of support. I got in the car and no mention of it at all for two weeks! Finally my dad said something and it went bad… He kept throwing the bible at means saying things like ” where’s your evidence that gay is ok” and ” you can’t just pick what you want and discard what you don’t like” when THEY are overweight and mix fabrics and steal and lie ALL THE TIME and sometimes praise my little Brothers for it! That night in prayer they attacked me through it saying that I’m not “close to him” that I’m “a lost sheep” each one if them even started crying! It really bugs me and I try to keep my cool I keep telling me self this and try to live by it ” What Would Jesus Do?” And it’s helping me out. My brothers always say things like ” Kevin remember what you say to me you do to God” when the only thing I’ve Done to them was have an occasional out burst and say something like “Shutup” they like to turn EVERYTHING into something that I’ve done biblically wrong, when in my opinion they are mean people almost to the bone. My parents don’t know the difference between Love and Hate. AT ALL. My mom is the worst she likes to pick a fight about everything and in turn says really really hurtful things. So I avoid her at all cost, but she gets offended because of that and wonders why! It makes me so angry… But I just breath and dint say anything but during her rampage she likes to ask a lot of hurtful and sarcastic Qs and I try to stay quite but she always demands I answer her, so I do and that just lights her fire! Then she says I disrespect her for not wanting answer or give her hugs. She never ever apologizes EVER. My dad when he “explains the bible he only focuses on 4 verses and those are the ones like ” a man shall not lie with another man” and then he turns the bible from a book of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE into a SEX guid book. They think they are doing this to save me when I think “there the ones who need saving” there always telling me what u should and should not pray for and that Infuriates me! Because its MY relationship to God NOT THERE’S ill chose what I will and will not pray for. It’s the summer of 2010 all over again! There’s ALOT MORE THEY DO THAT IS DOWNRIGHT IGNORANT, HATEFUL, and MORE. They confuse Love with hate. I’m only 15 and this is a lot to deal with! when the people you love most! Hate you without them evening knowing they are….. It just makes me so sad… And it’s really starting to affect how u do in school too… I really need help and want to call but I’m never alone so I can call….
What a brave soul you are to reach out to us, with such an abusive home environment. How horrible your parents have made your life. You are right about all the hate in their lives, and you have every right to question that. No parent has a right to abuse their child in the manner they are doing.
To give you some resources against their religious rants, you need to know the Bible better than they do. Realize that you first have to know who is talking to whom about what, in order to properly interpret Biblical verses. Item one are the verses in Leviticus, 18:22 and 20L13. They are part of the Jewish holy code, meant only for Orthodox Jewish rabbinical students studying for the high priesthood. These sections of Leviticus also contain such verses as condemning the eating of shellfish (clams, shrimp, etc.) in verse 11:12 and the wearing of clothing of two different fabrics (like a cotton/polyester shirt). They also contain verse 25:44-45 that backs the owning of slaves. NONE of it applies to today’s society. Then there’s the verses in Romans chapter 1. The truth is that in the very next chapter, the first verse states that (basically) “you think these people are such horrible people. Well, you do the same things yourself.” What Paul is referring to is that the Roman Christians were trying to continue practicing their pagan rituals (like fertility rites and temple prostitution) along with Christianity, and Paul told them they can’t do that. Those pagan rites had otherwise straight people doing things with the same sex, something that wasn’t “normal” for straight people to do. The verses apply only to that specific instance, and not to those who are naturally same-sex oriented.
Even the idea that same-sex relationships are not “natural”, as inferred from these verses is counter to scientific observation. In the book, “Biological Exuberance” the author, Bruce Bagemihl PhD cites case after case of observed same-sex behavior in birds and mammals, and that only covers those two species. The book is over 600 pages long, half of which presents summaries of documented cases. The truth is, same-sex relationships have been observed in virtually every sexual species that has ever been observed for any length of time. So same-sex behavior IS very much natural, just not the norm. And any religion that preaches a doctrine that has been proven false by science is, by definition, a false religion. Call it the flat earth effect. If a religion preaches that the earth is flat, and science proves otherwise, then that religion is false. Sound reasonable?
In addition to the above book, I also recommend the book “Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism” by Bishop John Shelby Spong. In it, the Bishop details all the mathmatical errors, mistakes, and conflicts in the Bible. Such as the second chapters of Luke and Matthew (commonly called the Christmas story). After the visit of the wise men (Matt.) and the shepherds (Luke), the two authors each have the holy family going in two different directions. So the harder you try to read the Bible literally, the worse your case gets. So Fundamentalism is a false religion, as the Bible CANNOT be taken literally, word for word – THE basic foundation of Fundamentalism.
Further note that Jesus never said ONE single word against, let alone about, same-sex relationships. Truth is, in the tale of him healing the Roman Centurion’s household member, the original texts both use the greek word “pais”, which translates in modern terms the centurion’s male lover or partner. Also note that in the books of Samuel 1 & 2 the relationship between David and Jonathan is detailed in explicit language, even stating that David loved Jonathan with a “love that passes the love of women” and that “the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” This from a King James Version! Even in the tale of Sodom, it is not logical to think that the entire town’s male population is gay. In truth, even Jesus alluded to Sodom’s real sin of being inhospitable to guests, recorded in Matt 10:14-15, Luke 10:10-13 , and Mark 6:11.
All these things and more to refute religious anti-gay doctrine are in books such as “The Children are Free: Reexamining the Biblical Evidence on Same-sex Relationships”, “Is the Homosexual My Neighbor”, and “Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality”. There are also Christian church denominations which welcome gays, such as the Universal Unitarian (UU) Churches and the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC). It IS possible to be gay AND Christian, as being gay is a biological happenstance, while being Christian is a belief. The two are not mutually exclusive of one another. While you can point all this out to your parents, don’t be surprised if they won’t accept the truth. Often very religious people don’t want to be confused with the facts, and only want to TELL others their ideas. But at least you’ll have a come-back ready for their rants, whether they listen or not. And you are right about God’s love. Jesus’ entire message was one of love, as He never even condemned anyone, even the woman accused of adultery (the famous “cast the first stone” story in John 8:3-11). He also said judge not, least ye be judged (Matt. 7:1). Also, just check Romans 14:14 for what is says about sin (“unclean” behavior) and 1John 4:7 about love.
At your age, all the abuse is certainly hard to take, especially from your own family. I’d recommend that you also try to talk to an adult whom you can trust, like a relative, parent of a friend, teacher, guidance councilor, school principal, minister, etc. about all the home abuse. You may also have to go to the local or county children’s services and see if you could be removed from the home and placed in a good foster home. These may be some possible solutions for you. You certainly need some relief from the situation you are in, as it’s not healthy for you. You deserve to be safe, loved, and cared for, and you’re not getting that now. Seek some help in finding that place, through those adults you feel you can trust, but be wise in whom you choose to confide.
And concerning thoughts of suicide, when they occur to you, try to keep in mind that all life’s situations are temporary, and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You WILL get to a better situation, even if your present one seems like it will never end. It will end, to be sure. You just have to find the way out of it asap, and that is the reason we’re here, to try to help you find that way out, to a healthy environment. One that you deserve to have. You don’t deserve the abusive one you’re in now, as there’s nothing wrong with you and you have done nothing wrong. You are the way God made you, and He loves you just that way, so feel good about that.
Also remember that we’re always here to assist in however we can. So DO keep us at AskTrevor informed as to your situation, and also don’t hesitate in asking for more help and advice. If you are in an emergency situation and can manage it, you can always call 1-800-4-U-TREVOR any time 24-7 and talk to one of our trained counselors You’re always welcome, and loved, here. Be brave and stay strong.
The Trevor Project