I’ve given up.

Question:

for about 3 years now ive been with a guy..and over the past year he has treated me like shit. and i dont mean just cheating. at first it was all great like always, but after awhile this started to change. it start to hit my hard when he forced me to have sex with him… he had hi brother hold me down while he…. raped me… then not to long after that he did it again… and he told me if i told he’ll hurt me… but that’s not where it ends… he wanted to run away ( or so i thought) so he came and picked me up one night and we were going to go faraway. well we got about to town from my house and he stops and tells me to get out , that i’m geting fat and i need to lose wait so i had to walk home… so i did… and he was at my house when i got back….and he held me down and raped me once again…. his time… he hurt me … i had bruses and he craked my wrist… he left me alone in the floor,,, my mom found me … and she thought i had fallen forthe longest time… well she told me to the hostial… and only to find out i have developed cancer…. and i had a 50/50 chanse of making till im 40…. yeah… i still have to deal with it… after about a year of dealing with him, i told one of my friend… my best friend and she told one of my teachers. with in return told my mom who called the cops and now he will spend 40 years in jail.. b/c not only was he doing all of theses thing to me but he was also going it to other girls… b/c of all of this i am now scared to even look at a guy… and ive slowly started cuting again… and i’m to the point i want to just die… i even have it planed out.. and everthing…… i don’t know why i’m even telling you this…. maybe i just want someone to know.. but there you go there;s my story …

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Answer:

What a horrible situation you’ve been in! Rest assured that NObody deserves such mistreatment. However, HE certainly deserves the jail term, after abusing you so badly. I hope that you are now free from him for good. That should be a great relief for you. However, please don’t feel you need to die, because life CAN be better for you. You’ve gone through a lot, and that has caused you to see things too negatively. Remember that all of life’s situations are temporary, and you can and will move to a different situation. You just need help getting there. So let’s start to work on them.

First, concerning the cutting, know that people cut as a way of dealing with or managing difficult, painful, overwhelming emotions or stress. For some, cutting relieves stress or tension or they find that the physical pain of cutting is a distraction from the emotional pain. Some people are angry at someone in their life and take the anger out on themselves by cutting. Others feel that the cutting gives them a feeling of control when things in the life or their emotions feel out of control. Still others feel numb or “dead inside” and cutting helps them to feel alive. Many of these could be your reason(s) for cutting. However, it’s important for you to know that cutting may help you to feel better briefly but the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it can become as it can cause permanent scars, infections and serious, and sometimes life threatening medical problems, especially if you cut a major blood vessel. It can also cause you to feel shame, guilt, depressed and out of control. If you feel like cutting, there are lots of ways to help yourself feel better without putting yourself at risk. Think about how you feel before and after you cut yourself. If cutting helps to release anger, you might try getting the anger out in another way like hitting a pillow, stomping around in heavy shoes, ripping up an old newspaper or flattening aluminum cans. If cutting helps you when you’re sad, do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted. That may be listening to certain songs, calling a friend or eating a favorite food. Sometimes, writing in a journal or drawing/painting helps a person to feel better. For some people, doing something physical like running outdoors or yoga can help relieve stress. If the cutting helps you to feel less numb, do something that creates a sharp physical feeling like putting your hand briefly in ice water or stamp your feet on the ground). There are websites available including www.safe-alternatives.com and
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm that can help you learn about cutting as well as additional things you can do when you have the urge to cut. It can be very difficult to stop cutting and it would be important to tell a friend whom you can trust about the cutting in order for them to find a therapist for you to work with to find safer and healthier ways to deal with the hard things you’re going through. Or if you want to find a therapist yourself and need help, call 1-800-DON’T-CUT where you can be referred to a therapist in your area. When you have the urge to cut, you can always call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor about what you’re feeling and experiencing as well as your urge to cut which can help to delay or stop the urge to cut. They can also work with you to find a therapist to help you.

As to the cancer, I’m so sorry for the diagnosis. However, you now that you know, you can work on treatments. Even a 50/50 shot is not bad odds, but you have to look on the bright side of life. A positive attitude can do wonders in aiding your health. I hope you have a good doctor looking after your treatment. Just trust in him and use your best judgment. People can and do survive cancer. You made it through a horrible relationship, and you WILL make it through this as well. You have a mom who no doubt loves you, and you probably can lean on her for moral support.  There are others in your life who also care about you.  Open up to them and they’ll no doubt help as much as they can. You don’t need to feel like you have to bear this burden alone, as those who truly love you will rally to your support. You ARE a worthwhile human being.

We here at AskTrevor also care about you, so you can always seek help and advice whenever you need it. We’d also love to hear from you again, and find out how you’re doing. Stay strong and keep looking for the  bright side of life.

The Trevor Project