I’ve been out since I was 13. I’ve been in relationships with girls, and it’s everything I’m comfortable with: the intimacy, affection, etc. But lately I’ve been questioning if I truly am gay. I have had sexual relations with a guy lately, and I’ve slowly come to realize that I’d much rather be with a woman than a man. Am I the only one who goes through this? Or does everyone else too?
Thank you for reaching out to Ask Trevor! We appreciate your honesty, courage and your questions. What you are experiencing right now is completely natural normal. Questioning one’s sexuality is common, especially after being out for quite some time. By contacting Ask Trevor and being honest with yourself, you are on your way to deeper self-understanding. So congratulations!
First, keep in mind what it means to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. No one can define your sexuality but yourself, so it’s important to understand how you feel. If you seem to have romantic and sexual attractions to both sexes, perhaps you should explore what it means to be bisexual. On the other hand, if one gender appeals more than the other, then that may be your answer. However, there is no pressure and no rush to “figure this out.” In fact, you should take your time, talk with a trusted adult, educate yourself with accountable resources and above all, remain honest with yourself.
There are several resources online that you can easily access, which might help you come to terms with what you are currently dealing with. Check out www.bisexual.org and http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177 — these links may be very useful in answering some of your questions. Also, if you feel comfortable talking to your parents about your concerns, tell them to look into http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf so that they can be supportive and knowledgeable. Also, look into Trevor Space, another Trevor Project portal. You can meet others just like yourself– people that can relate to your situation (www.trevorspace.org) These resources may guide you in the direction that feels right– to a place where you can truly be yourself.
Jenn, I’d like to thank you again for contacting the team at Ask Trevor. Your bravery and concern are very mature and responsible. You are going to be just fine; however, if you have any additional questions, please do not hesitate to make use of the Trevor Project’s resources: for emergency situations, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-‐4-‐U-‐TREVOR; TrevorChat and TrevorSpace will also provide a safe, friendly space for you to meet others to help you cope. Finally, please know that we, at the Trevor Project, are always here for you.
Happy New Year!
The Trevor Project