I recently came out (I’m Bi) to my friend. She got really mad and now she refuses to talk to me and thinks that I’m going to try to put the moves on her or something. How can I make her see that just because I like girls doesn’t mean that I automatically want to get in with her and stuff. I just miss being her friend.
Second of all, I also just came out to my parents. My Mom didn’t really seem to care but my Dad seemed pretty upset and he refuses to talk about it. I just wish that I was straight sometimes because my life would be less complicated.
Okay, that’s a lot of questions so I’m done now.
Letter submitted by:
I’m really glad that you wrote to Ask Trevor with your questions and concerns. Let me first start by saying that you have already overcome a huge hurdle by being courageous enough to come out to your friend and family. You should keep in mind that just as it took time for you to understand your own sexuality and feel comfortable coming out, it will take time for your friends and family to process this new information and work through it. It may be helpful to email or speak in person to your friend to explain to her that this has been a challenging process for you and her support as a friend is important to you. You were friends before you came out and you are the same person today. You could remind her that just because you are attracted to other girls does not mean that you want to pursue a romantic relationship with her. Furthermore, being friends with you has nothing to do with her own sexual preferences. This may help her to see things from your perspective and she may realize that she also misses having you as a friend.
Your family and/or friends may have many questions about your sexuality and may need time and help to become more understanding and supportive of you. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on “Get Support” then click on “For Family & Friends” where you’ll find the pamphlets “Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People” and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one’s sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they’re having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won’t attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you.
Other resources you might share with them are the books “Now That You Know – A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children” which addresses many issues and questions that arise for parents of gay and lesbian children and “Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together.” There are no guarantees but these resources may be helpful to you.
If you have any questions in the future please feel free to use Ask Trevor again or The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, or TrevorSpace. We are always here for you!